Just Another Day At The Office (A Male Reader x Kobeni Fanfic)

Incorrect Quotes and Q/A

(Ask me shit in the comments."

Aki: "Is he okay?"

Y/N: "He feels no pain."

Muffled screams come from the man their interrogating.

Y/N: "Oh sorry, my Japanese is still not my best language. I mean he feels only pain."

Y/N: "Power, keep an eye on Denji today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched."

Power: "Sure, I'd love to see Denji get punched."

Y/N: "Try again."

Power, sighing: "I will stop Denji from getting punched."

Y/N: "Today is a day of running through hurdles."

Aki : "Aren't you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?"

Y/N: "Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you."

Y/N: "My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized."

Kobeni: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to her knees and sob while apologizing profusely*

Y/N: "That one. I want that one."

Makima, standing with their back turned: "I've been expecting you, Y/N."

Y/N: "How did you do that without turning around?"

Makima: "... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you."

Y/N: "So apparently the 'bad vibes' I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress"

Y/N, in a meeting: "My policy is if you see something, say something."

Beam : "I saw a squirrel in a tree today!"

Y/N, with the tone of someone who is used to Beam.
Y/N: "Outstanding, this is what I'm talking about."

Y/N: "If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will."

Kobeni: "Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait."

Y/N: "You and me!!!"

Kobeni, tearing up: "Okay."

Y/N: "Ok, maybe playing 'whose family is most dysfunctional' wasn't the best idea we've had. Kobeni's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get her out..."

Aki, watching the news: "Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!"

Y/N: *walks in covered with ink* "Well, maybe the squid was being a dick."

Y/N: "English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though."

Himeno: "You need to stop."

Denji:" So are we flirting right now?"

Reze: "I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU"

Denji: "That doesn't answer my question."

Y/N: "So what's for dinner?"

Kobeni, staring at the food she just burnt: "Regret."

Aki at a Halloween party during his first year: "I didn't realize everyone dresses up every year."

Y/N covered in blood: "Me neither."

(Later)

Y/N: "It's Halloween.... That is really, really good timing."

Y/N: I don't do relationships.

Kobeni : *exists*

Y/N: Shit.

Y/N: "Y'ello?"

Makima: "What did you do?"

Y/N: "Alright. But you can't be mad at me."

Makima: "What did you do?"

Y/N: "Okay, first, I was minding my own business-"

Makima: (Slams hand on table) "BULLSHIT!!"

Y/N: (Whining) "I waass!"

Makima: "And exactly what happened whilst you were minding your own business?"

Y/N: "So I was just chillaxing in my room like a baller and then all of a sudden these schmucks kicked in my door!"

[Door gets kicked in by Yakuza forces, as Y/N recounts his trial of tribulation.]

Y/N: "One of them yelled out": (Cut to the Yakuza Schmuck.)

Schmuck: "GET ON YOUR KNEES!"

Y/N: "And I responded with I'm not your mother last night."

Y/N: "And they took exception to that. (Raging gunfire ensues, as the Schmuck emits a war cry the bullets doing absolutely nothing as they bounce off Y/N's armor) But you know how that song and dance goes. (Cuts to all of them being massacred) And I killed all but one of them."

Makima: "What happened to the last one?"

(Man whimpering and shoots himself in the head.)

Y/N: "PUSSED OUT LIKE A BITCH!!"

Y/N: "Silver lining? I can cancel my room service!"