Don't Let Me Go

Florence

So it's been a week. I'm actually enjoying it quite a bit. My best friend Élodie is coming over with Papa to see me. Good thing too, because I've got loads to tell her.

In unrelated news, there is a new boy joining our school. Our teachers have told us that he's from America. I do hope they didn't make such a big deal about my arrival! Anyway, maybe he'll be good to make friends with. You know, the only two foreigners in the class and all that.

No doubt he'll be popular, being new and from a different country. Similar to me, I guess. He'll have the girls swooning! Only if he's handsome though. They don't like the people that aren't pleasing to the eye. They also don't like people with opinions that aren't the same as theirs. I'm quite feisty myself, so I'm having to hold my tongue an awful lot!

On another note, I'm still grieving for that poor man. And that little girl. I wonder how she's doing. It's weighing heavy on my mind, more so than I'm willing to admit. Isn't it every sane person's nightmare, being responsible for someone getting hurt? I don't know if I can deal with it. It's like a big black hole  inside my heart. Nothing and nobody can fill it, no matter how hard they try. I do have a history of mental health issues, but I'm trying not to fall back into old habits. I just need something to take out all the anger and sadness on. I'm falling behind on everything because I get home and fall straight onto my bed. I don't do anything after I get home. I just sit there, staring at the wall and crying. Until Maman makes food, that is. Then I have to re apply my makeup and act as if everything is fine.

I know Cam can see through the act though. She always does. She came into my room yesterday while I was crying and instead of asking questions like adults do, she just sat with her arm around me. She knows I hate talking when I'm crying. She also knows that I hate crying, even though I do it a lot. For me, crying is weakness. And I am very, very weak.