human heart | neteyam

twenty-six

A/N; I'm going to be trying a new layout to my chapters - I feel like the way I have been doing it looks kinda, tacky. so let me know if this looks better! friendly advice always helps :)

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neteyam's pov

I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell for s'more. I knew I was going to put her before me - every single time. but, I had to do this for her; to protect her. I hated myself so much for it. "what are you saying?" her voice was soft. she could barley form the sentence. my heart was breaking just as much as hers. all I wanted was her - right now, in the future, forever. "neteyam, you cannot do this to me," I was tearing her heart into a million shredded pieces. I had to do it for us. "please," she cried. her warm brown eyes lingering into mine; waiting for me to say something. I was ending things. in my mind - if I was too distracted by love, I wouldn't be able to be the warrior I was supposed to be. I almost failed kiri. I couldn't fail s'more too. just the thought of something happening to s'more made me physically ill.

"I'm sorry," I swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn't want her to hear how much this was affecting me. I had to be strong for her - for us. "please do not make this harder than it already is," I murmured. she hiccuped as she choked on her tears. the look on her face burned into the back of my mind. the horror of heartbreak laced onto her facial expression. I would never be able to forget this moment.

she went to say something but stopped herself. I could see her processing what was happening; her eyes scanning over my face looking for the audacity I had. "if were done, then were done forever," she spoke up. my skin turned cold as the words flew from her mouth. I had hurt her too many times, only this time I had thought it was with smart intention. "because you cannot keep doing this to me," I looked at her without saying anything before looking down at the ground. she would be the one that got away - even if we never end up together again. I will die happily knowing that she was safe. "wow," was all she said before shoving her way past me. I could hear her sobs as she got further from me.

was this a stupid idea? was I taking things too far? it felt right in my heart but it was all so sudden, maybe this is a mistake. but then again, what if this isn't? my mind was going wild - now I didn't know if I'd made the right choice or not. she was already gone and there was no going back. I sighed as I turned around to see if she was still in my eye sight. she was. sitting some distance away; letting the moon shine upon her as she sat on the shore line. her hair blew gently in the wind - made my heart churn at the sight of her. this was the worst feeling imaginable. I would't wish this pain upon my worst enemy. I helped her at the time she needed it most. now I had let her go at the time we needed it most. even if it hurt.

I knew missing her was going to be the worst part of it all. loving her was my weakness, something I could't control. so if I really did love her - I had to let her go. my feet began making their way over toward her. I didn't want us to end on bad terms, I still wanted her around. its just her lips were so damn intoxicating, I'd practically drown. I sat next to her; slowly. I wanted to make sure she was okay with my presence before speaking so I just sat in silence as the wind blew through both of our hair. I heard a sigh of sadness come form her lips as she stared ahead - dried tears on her cheeks. "you know," she took a breath. "maybe your father was right. this-" she pointed between us. "-this would never work," she took a breath again. "this will never work," my gaze burned into the side of her head. she hadn't looked at me once. I understood why, and I deserved this. I deserved this pain - heartbreak. I brought this upon myself. I betrayed her. I had promised her. I broke her trust. "I had finally thought you were all mine," her voice cracked with each word that came from her mouth. "you're a traitor," her eyes met mine. "I wished you had thought this through before I fell for you, neteyam," she pursed her lips as she stood up - not giving me a chance to defend myself.

and I watched as she walked away from me once more. only this time she wasn't the same. she walked with no emotion; numbness. I deserved this - she didn't. she didn't deserve this pain. she had already lost her brother and now I was giving up on us. she would always have me, even if I could never have her again. I was willing to make that risk though - to protect my family. i was going to miss her small hugs that hugged perfectly around my waist. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep at night without her. I had to kill her but it killed me just the same. I turned into my worst enemy - my worst fear. I felt tears fall from my eyes as I thought about all the things I was letting go. angels like her deserved better - better than me. "you stupid skxawng," I cursed myself. she had said she was rain and I was fire but all along I think she had us mixed up.

I was the rain and she was the fire and I had finally put her out - and god, did it burn.

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a/n

I think this is the saddest shit I've ever written oml.. or maybe I'm over reacting lol

vote and comment plssss ;)