human heart | neteyam

twelve

NETEYAM

we hadnt talked in a few weeks. smore had started to distract herself with tsireya once again, along with lo'ak following them around everywhere they went like a lost puppy. it sucked, the past few weeks i'd done nothing but try and think of ways to change her mind on us. to try and give us a chance, she wasn't fighting for us. she was giving up.

and although we were never together; officially. it still burned, my heart felt like it had been on fire since the day we got into our fight. she was right about one thing. she was rain and i was fire, meaning that she would be the only one able to pull my heart out from this agonizing pain.

"you know you guys cannot avoid each other forever," kiri murmured. we we're currently chopping vegetables for dinner since our mother had insisted we do it or be grounded. so we didn't really have a choice. "she is just scared, give her some time," she spoke once again.

"that's what i've been doing," i didn't look up at her i just continued to chop away at the food. if i looked up at her i would probably start to cry just at the fact we were even talking about s'more. "and i will wait for her, even if it takes my whole life," my voice cracked. i could sense kiri's body move at my voice. she knew i was hurting but i tried my hardest not to show it, since i was the oldest after all.

"neteyam-" kiri got my attention, and i forced myself to look at her. "have you ever thought that she's being like this because she misses spider? I mean I don't blame her, I miss spider too," i went to open my mouth to say something but nothing came out. kiri's words hit the back of my mind like it was the first time i ever heard her speak. it all made sense, s'more had been way more emotional since spider had gotten taken. not that i blame her because that was her flesh and blood, her baby brother. i would react the same way if something like that happened to lo'ak.

"that-" i couldn't even say anything in return. my main agenda was getting s'more back, i just needed to figure out how. if her pushing me away was about spider, then what could i do? "how can i get her back then?" kiri set her knife down to pause her action at cutting the veggies.

"fix her. show her that even with spider gone, you'll always be there for her. she just needs reassurance, even if it's just friends for right now," and i heard enough, i stood up from my spot on the floor and made my way out of our hut.

"if mom asks where i went, you didn't see me. okay?" kiri just laughed at me and nodded. "i'll cut yours too so she doesn't get suspicious," she gave me and wink and i ran off onto the beach.

i ran through the sand trying my best to find where s'more could be. eventually I found her building a sand castle with tsireya, tuk, and lo'ak. I smiled at her from a distance, she looked so happy. her now short hair framed perfectly behind her ears, her smile was spread widely as tuk had said something funny causing her to laugh. that's what hurt the most, her laugh rang through my ears and the fact that her laugh wasn't from me, hurt. it hadn't been from me in weeks. she had now found happiness somewhere else. I felt myself being selfish, I had no right to be but it still hurt. to see her doing so well without me.

it made me think was kiri right? or was s'more just covering up her problems like she had been doing. I swallowed the lump in my throat and decided to shake away my overthinking. I walked up to them a sly smile upon my face; careful not to give off any bad energy. "oh hey, bro," lo'ak smirked up at me. I took a breath, "hey," I could feel s'mores eyes burning into the side of my face and I was doing everything in my power not to look back at her. if I looked at her, I would collapse onto the sand floor and beg for her back. so I kept my eyes peeled in front of me, making sure they didn't stray away from lo'ak.

"you okay? your eyes are about to burn holes into me dude," he laughed. what an idiot, does he not know bro code? I just sighed and snapped myself out of my thoughts. "sorry, I-i spaced out," I cleared my throat as everyone was now silent. it was awkward now and I probably ruined their mood. "you can join us," tuk coo'd, reaching for my hand. I smiled and sat down next to her. which oddly enough was right next to s'more too. I heard tsireya giggled as my leg brushed against s'mores. she knew what was up obviously, I bet s'more told her everything that happened which would explain her quietness too.

I could still feel s'mores burning gaze on the side of my head. I wanted to say what I had been wanting to say. that was literally the whole reason I walked to find her, but seeing her happy made me have second thoughts. I didn't want her to be sad and come to think of it. she seemed sad when she was with me. tuk, lo'ak, and tsireya continued to build the sand castle but I couldn't think straight with s'mores skin touching mine. I was going insane. my leg bounced up and down with anxiety as I tried my best to participate but anything I tried just couldnt bring my mind away from her.

I heard her sigh then I felt one of her small hands relax on my leg, trying to calm me down. and without thinking my eyes met hers and my heart was in love once again. I could never get tired of her eyes, they fit into mine so perfectly. my eyes were the perfect amount of yellow that glistened on her brown ones just the right amount. she let a small smile form on her lips. "is it too late to apologize?" her voice sounded like heaven. i had been dying to hear it for the past couple of weeks and now she was sitting right in front of me, like a sign from eywa.

eywa knew we were meant to be and that's why she put us here. in this exact moment, at this exact time. I had given her time, and that's all she needed. I captured her features slowly making sure I didn't miss how perfect her face was just in case one day I might not ever get to see it again. "it's never too late for you,"

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authors note;

i wish neteyam were real.. sigh 😔

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