"Ruin and Redemption"

Esme Gives Lizzie a Lesson Lizzie, Derrick and Esme in Charleston

Very explicit sex scene towards the end of this chapter. Be forewarned and feel free to skip. The book will still make sense without it.The next chapter is also very explicit.

“Derrick? You were not expecting me?” She questioned.

“Umm, yes, I mean, I was, of course, Esme! Come in!” He beckoned her to come into the room, and showed her to an empty chair on the other side of the room from Lizzie.

He sat in the chair across from her. He felt embarrassed sitting across from such a well-dressed courtesan in only his nightgown. He wished he had gotten a chance to complete his toilet and make himself a fitting consort for her. Today she wore a bright pink and navy dress, with a matching jacket and a tall hat with feathers sticking up from it.

Derrick could feel Lizzie’s hawk eyes staring at he and Esme and this didn’t make him feel any better.

Lizzie felt incredibly plain sitting in her navy dress, not at all fashionable or beautiful like Esme. She wondered why she had even brought it on the trip. But she had wanted it to cover her after last night. She had not wanted to do anything to provoke Derrick to the passion which would cause him to overtake her again. She felt she wanted to disappear from the hotel room, fly above the city and go somewhere far away, Paris maybe. There she would live alone and paint. No more worrying over Derrick or any of his lovers. All she wanted was to be home, then. Back at Pinehurst with Patsy. That might be even better. But she definitely did not want to be in Charleston one moment longer!

But then she felt the jealousy creeping in again; Damnit, why did she have to keep caring about Derrick, humiliation after humiliation!? Why couldn’t she just one day decide to stop loving him and never start up again? Why was it upsetting her so that this man, who was after all just a man, was sitting and talking to a woman much more attractive and well-dressed than she was, in their hotel room? Why couldn’t he meet her somewhere else?

Then Lizzie felt a sinking feeling. The reason Esme was meeting Derrick here was because, she, Lizzie, had invited her here! Had agreed to be taught! Not today. Oh, not now, Lizzie thought. She just wanted Esme to go away.

But then she would have to be alone with Derrick, and who knew what crazy thing he might decide to do today? Would he even listen to her if she counseled restraint? Apparently she couldn’t have any fun whatsoever, or things would get out of hand! It was sad! From now on, she would have to make sure she was proper and perfect at all times so that her husband would respect her. She couldn’t let herself get carried away as she had last night; That was simply unacceptable. No wonder Patsy had tried so hard to make her into a lady! If she hadn’t let herself step out of that role, she would not have had to endure such humiliation from Derrick. Had she not pretended to be a whore, Derrick would have never treated her like one. That was that; No more fun and games for them.

Lizzie sat in her window seat, resolved to never play the whore again. She was not sure whether to ask Esme to leave or not. The other woman fascinated her. The way she held herself, the movements of her arms as she gestured along with her words, the way she cocked her head to the side as she spoke fluent French with Lizzie’s husband. Perhaps we’re not really married Lizzie thought. Maybe I am the governess. From that neutral point of view she could observe less jealously her handsome husband and his equally attractive mistress. It was an interesting enough scene. Lizzie could not follow the French words as well as she would have liked, although she had taken French from the tutor. Esme and Derrick were speaking much more quickly and fluently than she was able to follow. However, she was able to observe their gestures, without letting the French words affect her; it was as if she were behind a glass partition, or observing from a great distance.