afflicted

9

She had to remind herself who he was. That she'd ruined his life. She bit her tongue hard enough to draw blood, the copper tang in her mouth disturbingly familiar. He dug into the bag, pulling out a sweatshirt. He held it in his hands, looking down at it with an unreadable expression before he handed it to her.

She gripped the soft, thick fabric in her fingers. She looked back up at him, but he wouldn't meet her eyes. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

"Thank you," she whispered. He gave a sharp nod, turning away from her to dig in the bag again. He tossed her a can of fruit with a peel-off lid and grabbed one for himself. He brushed past her to sit on the farthest side of the couch from her. He opened his can, tipping it up to pour some of the contents into his mouth. She watched the way his jaw moved as he did.

She felt like she could stare at him for the rest of her life and still not discover all of his intricacies and features. They enamored her in a way she'd never felt. It was highly peculiar and made her cheeks heat with shame. No one should be as beautiful as Azriel. His beauty was a devastating thing.

"Stop staring at me and sit down, Callie," he said.

Heat flooded her cheeks even more intensely and she did as she was told, sitting to repeat Azriel's actions. The tang of citrus filled her mouth, and she moaned before she could stop herself. His head whipped to her, eyes wide before he quickly blinked and looked away again. Great, she thought, as if he didn't dislike her enough already.

"Where were you?" She asked, sucking spilled fruit juice from her fingers. She felt sticky, but the fruit had been so good she hadn't wanted to bother with trying to be elegant. He chewed a chunk of pear thoughtfully.

"Getting supplies," he said, tipping his silver can back again, mouth open as the saccharine syrup spilled in. Her lips parted slightly, watching the way his throat worked. "Or did you think all of this just magically appeared for you?"

Shame. White-hot shame.

"I-I'm... sorry. I can help you," she offered.

"No, you can't." His tone was flat, bored even. He stood and walked away, grabbing another block of wood for the fire that had once again begun to dwindle. The icy window behind the couch threatened to steal the fire's roar. She could feel the numbing cold reaching out its frozen fingers to her.

"Where do you get supplies?"

"Stealing," he said with a shrug. "I'm not exactly welcome in Prythian these days. If you haven't noticed, we're kind of in hiding right now." She ignored the tone of his voice, reminding herself that she deserved much worse than this. She was alive, and only because of him. Even if it made no sense to her why he'd save her.

"If you show me, I can help," she says again, but he pretended to not hear her.

"Lucky for us, Maeve wiped out most of the families in this area and the rest evacuated, so whatever I can find is free reign." He slumped back into the couch. Is that where he'd been sleeping these nights?

"And where are we now?"

"Northern border of Winter Court," he answered. "I had to get out of the Night Court, and figured this wouldn't be a place Maeve would think to check. She'd pushed our armies much farther north than this. If I hadn't flown, it would have taken me weeks to get here."

So that explained the life-sapping frozen air. She couldn't recall if she'd ever been to Winter Court but could remember enough to know Kallias was its leader. She didn't want to make things worse for him by asking. If she needed to know, he'd tell her.

It hit her in the stomach like a freight train that he'd also been struggling to feed and clothe himself and had still been giving her parts of what little he had to live on. The blanket she was cocooned in was the same one that she'd had in her cell. Was it the only one he had? She felt sick.

Then today he'd returned with a sweatshirt for her. A sweatshirt he'd likely risked his life to get. She dropped the blanket and pulled the sweatshirt over her head. It was plain and black, hanging on her body loosely, but it immediately began to hold warmth closer to her body. Tears filled her eyes.

Her chest ached for the fact that she couldn't remember him, couldn't know who she was to him before all of this that would make him still care for her, even now when he was practically begging himself not to.

"Where have you been sleeping?"

He gave her an incredulous look as though it were a preposterous question to ask her.

"Right here," he said, patting the couch cushion.

He had given her his bed, sleeping on the couch. Risking his life to make sure she was warm and wouldn't get sick again. He'd shared his incredibly limited food supply. The heartache threatened to overwhelm her. She fought desperately to keep tears from falling down her cheeks.

She'd murdered his best friend.

She climbed off of the couch, settling herself back into a ball in front of the fireplace and watching the blaze dance and lick at the bricks of the fireplace. Neither of them spoke. Neither knew what to say to the other.

She lay there so long she'd drifted off to sleep. Raising her head slightly, she saw that Azriel had also fallen asleep. She watched his chest steadily rise and fall. His features were so relaxed as he slept, making him look much younger and more innocent. The flushed pink of his lips, prominent cupids bow, and beauty mark above his lips. His skin looked so soft, so warm-toned. His lashes were thick and dark, much longer than most males'. It only served to make her anguish all the more excruciating.

She rose to her feet slowly, unwrapping the blanket from her shoulders and laying it across where he was sprawled on the couch. Feeling satisfied, she curled back up in front of the fireplace like an old dog and drifted back into the cushions of sleep.

When she woke up again, she was back in bed, blanket wrapped around her body protectively. She couldn't stop the tears that came then.

A/N: Please leave me a comment and let me know how you're enjoying the story so far!!! It helps me find the motivation to write knowing that someone is enjoying it 😭