A Different Slice

9.2 By the Candlelight (Naomi)

"I thought about you when I was with her. Wondered if I'd made a mistake not waiting for you after your last relationship."

Those words made Naomi's heart soar, but they couldn't gloss over Greg's pain if he was going to move past it. "You were happy and in love with her too. It's brutal when someone dismantles that."

A knife clanged as it fell onto his plate. He shielded his eyes from her with his hand. "I'm trying so hard not to fuck this up, Nomi. But that's all I'm good at."

"You're not. This makes relationships work, the messy, emotional openness. Not pretending everything's fine and trying to impress each other to forget that it's not."

"You deserve more." His voice cracked.

"More than what, a beautiful and delicious candlelit dinner? A man who has supported me for over a decade? Who joined a softball team without hesitation, even with his hectic work schedule because I was a mess after my heartbreak? Who promised me tropical vacations before he knew I had feelings for him?"

He exhaled and met her gaze again with glassy eyes. "I suppose when you put it that way..."

"That's how I see us. I know there'll be residual Tara feelings because I was too impatient to wait. I feared another opportunity for us to be together would vanish again, so I rushed, which isn't fair to you either."

"Technically, I laid down my cards first."

"I started it."

"Which I also ruined."

Naomi tried not to cringe. It had been painful until Kieran had distracted her. "I should have waited until you were sober. But it doesn't matter because we're here, together."

He took her hand. "You are next-level understanding."

"It's because I like you so much." She said it in a teasing tone but meant every word. From the manner Greg caught her eye, she sensed he understood.

"You want to ditch supper and do something a lot more fun?"

His eyes dipped to the trace of cleavage she'd allowed herself, and he bit his bottom lip, making her skin tingle. While part of her longed to recapture their closeness in the kitchen, they hadn't discussed her asexuality. She risked being pushed into an awkward corner because he wasn't over Tara yet.

"I... um." She swallowed and tried to look anywhere but Greg, but realizing that was worse, she met his intense gaze. "It'd—it'd be a shame to waste this amazing food."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm enjoying the dinner and talking to you."

"Sorry." His cheeks went red. "I thought you were hinting that..."

Naomi shook her head and cut more meat off the chicken thigh. "I really like you. I'm just..."

"Wanting to take things slowly like you already told me last week..." His jaw hardened. "I've messed up again."

She let out a breath of relief. "It's okay. My definition of slow and other people's are different."

"What's your slow?"

"Right now, I enjoy cuddling, kissing, and hugging. And in a few months, maybe more. It's not a science."

It had taken her eight months of dating to lose her virginity, more out of curiosity and feeling like it was the natural next step as a couple and a young adult than anything else. In her second relationship, she'd gotten it down to six months. They'd been open about each other's needs, which had helped a lot. She didn't hate or fear sex. She just had a hundred other things she'd rather do, which most men found insulting.

"Months? Is it something I said or did?"

Naomi shook her head, although his response was a little disheartening as if her needs were a punishment. "That's how my body works."

He took a bite of asparagus. "Cool."

"If that's a problem," she inhaled, "please tell me. It'll be easier to hear now than later. And you won't be the first person to admit that either."

Instead of answering straight away, he chewed his lip and studied her face.

Her stomach sank. It killed her a relationship could succeed in countless ways and fail over one detail while so many otherwise flawed relationships worked despite glaring problems as long as people were compatible sexually. She and her ex, Luke, had connected over their vision of their futures, their interests, sense of humour, and friend circles, as they'd tried to navigate the waters of her asexuality. But after a year and a half, he'd missed connecting during intimacy too much to commit to a future without that sexual chemistry. The aspect she had no control over.

After at least ten agonizing seconds, Greg held her hand and squeezed it. "I've already waited a decade. A few months won't kill me."

Naomi knew she should fully explain her asexuality and its implications for their future, but the nail-biting amount of time it took him to answer the prospect of waiting was all the stress her heart could take tonight.

***

Poor Naomi and Greg just can't have nice moments, but at least she's sharing part of the truth with him. How do you think he'll react when she's fully honest?