Mountain

3.15

the beginning of our dance is separate, but as soon as he had to do the lift he dropped me.

"what was that?" he asked me.

"you're not holding me properly." i said to him.

"you gotta hold your core, don't go so far that way." he said, holding his neck.

"i would hold my core if you held me properly." he looked at me confused. "can we just try it again? i need to leave soon."

"you have somewhere to be?" he asked sharply.

"yeah, i promised ella i'll meet with her."

James: usually when she's rehearsing she's a hundred percent focus on what she's doing but now she just wants to go off and get milkshakes.

"the last time you spoke to her, she straight up told you she would mess with you!"

"okay, you don't understand her like i do. i've known her for a long time, and since your time is so precious, don't you rather spend it rehearsing rather than arguing?"

"no i don't. you're right. you're wasting my time. why don't you go get milkshakes?"

i looked at him angrily and scoffed. "fine." i walked out of the studio.

we're not really on the same wavelength and i just can't deal with it anymore.

james: i can't believe Izzy just walked out on this. things are just falling apart. i feel like i don't know Izzy anymore.

i came home and sat in front of my computer. the application to go dance abroad is still open from the past three days.

i've been staring at this for so long not sure if i should submit it. but i just hit send and it's done. all there's left to do is wait and see what happens.

this is my dream school, my dream career. i just don't know what will happen if i get in.

i walked downstairs and found ella waiting for me. "hey you okay?" she asked me.

"i don't wanna talk about it." i sat down. "he just doesn't get it."

"who?"

"james. i can't explain what im going through, he just needs to understand. he's so tense." i looked at her. "never mind."

i went back to the studio to finish some things i had to do and then i saw James approaching me.

"hey." i said to him softly.

"Iz, i think we should talk." he said.

james: i thought about this. and i'm ready to talk to Izzy. i'm pretty sure i know what's going on with her and i think i can help.

"i still don't understand ella." he said. "like at all. but she made something clear to me."

"what's that?" i asked him.

"i knew this."

"knew what?" i looked at him confused.

"about being carefree. but i still think you're going about it the wrong way."

"and what way is that?"

i can have fun and i know how to have fun and im finally letting loose and he's telling me now that i can't because im not doing it right?

james: this conversation is not going the way i expected.

"no, izzy, i've been around long enough to know that Ella is a bad influence."

"okay." i scoffed. "i can choose my own friends."

"izzy, no, i understand that. but i don't wanna be the one who sit around and watch you get into more trouble." i started to walk away from him but he grabbed my hand and stopped me. "izzy, i can be the one to show you how to have a good time."

"i would love for you to be the one to show me how to have a good time." i said shakily. "but you are never here anymore. you don't have time for me. you're always at band." i said with tears.

he looked down and i turned around and left ignoring him calling me.

the next day i went into the music room and to find James. "hey guys. i'm looking for james."

"you won't find him here." luke said and i looked at him confused. "he quit." i looked down.

i never meant for him to quit the band like that. i feel like this is all my fault.