𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 | 𝐚𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐲𝐞𝐧.

𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈. 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐓𝐇

A/N: Possible trigger warnings - drunk Aegon, attempt in sex assault, mention of blood and some type of self-harm?

«Aegon Targaryen, the Second - from what his heart desires, he runs away. To what his heart is disgusted with, he returns.

Alicent Hightower - what she truly wishes, she closes her eyes on. And who she truly loves, she pretends to hate.

Aemond Targaryen - he is afraid of something that follows him all his life, loneliness. Yet, exactly his he seeks from day to day.»

— From Drusilla Tyrell's memoirs.

•

Aegon knows he promised not to drink anymore—he actually managed to keep up without drinking for so long!—but it got messy, somehow. He stayed all alone again, too deep in the thoughts, and that never helped him. He couldn't help but repeat, over and over, how those kids called him father, despite how terrible he was with them. It inevitably reminded him of the way he always reached for Viserys. And for the first time in his whole life, Aegon felt like he was his father's son.

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

He has no intention to drink, really. He just went to his favourite brothel, to feel some warmth again, but–

Cup after cup, and he doesn't know anymore what else he has done.

'Aegon, can I come in?'

His head is ringing madly, reminiscent of clucking bottles, and he hisses, hardly having some power to open the door.

'Oh. Silla.'

He thinks it is her, though in reality it's too dark and his vision is still too clouded. It couldn't be anyone else, after all, because mother would be already screaming and throwing punches, Aemond would never knock, and Helaena never comes here willingly, which, probably for the best.

The world is spinning so fast. Aegon exhales in relief, when he feels Drusilla catching him, allowing to throw an arm on her shoulder.

'Silla, hi-i.'

She doesn't answer.

Rest of time Aegon blacks out. Until Drusilla pushes him in the bathtub, emptying on him the near vat with cold water as he yelps from surprise, starting to shiver badly.

'Are you disappointed in me?' He blurts out, feeling how she settles behind his back, sitting on the floor, starting to sprinkle water on his face. 'Please, don't be.'

'I am not,' Drusilla answers shortly, and pats his head with her free hand. 'It's okay. Sometimes, we go back to the bad things, but it's temporary.'

She talks and talks, and Aegon realises he doesn't even understand what she says, but her voice is the only comfort he has, so he follows his instincts. And instinct tells him to relax.

The sob breaks out through his chest loudly.

'I am sorry, I am so sorry, I am...'

'Calm down, Aegon.'

'Why they are still trusting in me, why they are so much like me, why they–'

'Aegon.'

He stops speaking, but not crying.

'That is the thing with parents and kids. Each of them unconsciously will seek for each other's presence in their life, even if there is no love - in them or for them. And those kids are still small. They love you. And you should try to avoid the fate of your father. Or not. It depends on your wishes. You shouldn't make yourself love them, if in reality you don't. Pretending will hurt them most, when they realise.'