Heart&Seoul || jjk/kth/bts

Chapter 4: Angels and devils

The huge building waves hello to me and the other students. No one seems as disoriented as me. Great. I'm standing still, I'm technically not lost in the maze of Sungkyunkwan University yet, but I might as well be, because I have no beacon to show me the right way, no map to guide me, no guardian angel. My legs are failing me and so is all the courage I thought I had. It usually comes in waves, and now it's at low tide.

The campus is so majestic that one look can't capture it all. I cautiously start walking towards what I pray to God is the main entrance, since that's where most people are headed. Some students are hanging out on the grass, enjoying the warmth of the sun shining bright above their heads. Soon enough there won't be as much sunlight anymore, but I'm too busy glancing around to appreciate the last unclouded skies of the season.

Wave's warning replays in my head as I approach the entrance: I still struggle to tell these apart. I'll get used to these new faces, I tell myself. It's just a matter of time. My stomach doesn't agree as a heavy burden full of guilt and shame crushes it. On top of that, the uncertainty of being in a new environment where I barely know a soul.

Once I'm facing the entrance, my feet refuse to take me any further. Okay, now I'm being an idiot, standing there in front of a closed door while everyone else walks past me and through it. Some give me a quick look, but nothing more. No tutting, no huffing, none of them seem to think I'm a fool. It somehow gives me hope, although it most likely just means they're indifferent to my presence. Better to be ignored than judged, I guess...

So far Koreans have given me a good first impression. They have all the manners we often shamelessly avoid, they're respectful, quiet and understanding, always composed and polite, even with clueless strangers like me. Sure, I've only interacted with airport security, bank clerks and postal employees; in other words, people who are required to deal with the public. Average citizens might not match this description, and yet the vibe they exude is the same.

With this thought in mind, I finally gather up the courage to pull the door handle and step into the building. I wish I could say I'm ready to face the toughest task. One of the countless worst parts, more like. But one step at a time is the approach I should go with. Therefore, I begin walking at a slow but seemingly confident pace, looking around me to spot Mrs Choi Haseul, the international student group coordinator. I've had an online meeting with her, but considering that all faces appear pretty much identical to me, finding her is a lot harder than expected.

Let's start by avoiding the middle of the hallway like the plague, maybe. It's best to be on the sidelines to prevent any further embarrassing things from happening. Like a predator on the hunt, I scan my surroundings looking for a middle-aged woman with a reliable vibe. After a careful search, my eyes land on a banner that says info point. My ass is safe. As I head for the door, I regret my decision at least five times. The idea of turning on my heels and running away to start a new life in Iceland where I won't have to talk to anyone ever again has never been more tempting. What happened to the social animal inside of me? Has spending too much time with Aaliyah turned me shy? However scary this approach may sound, my feet oddly become the voice of reason and drag me to my final destination.

A kind voice invites me inside after I've knocked twice. I don't need to ask if the woman by the door is who I'm looking for. She's my saviour. Mrs Choi is in her forties, although she looks much younger because of her shiny raven hair that cascades upon her shoulders in a flawless hairstyle. She's not alone in the room. A girl my age is resting her back against the wall and averts everyone's gaze, finding the banners on the wall far more interesting. Our coordinator's manicured hands offer me and the other foreign girl a brochure and a map of the campus. After introducing us to one another, Mrs Choi summarizes some further information about the university through a guide in English and explains the plan for today, highlighting the things we are and aren't allowed to do, our duties, and, for the other girl, the rules for the campus accommodations.