Autumn in Philadelphia Trilogy

The Return: Cult Fiction Revisited

Bold, Italic text are quotes from the episode Cult Fiction.

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"Jon, how could you be in here? How could you screw up on your bike? I have never seen you screw up on anythin.' I'm the screwup, remember? C'mon you remember. Don't do this to me, Jon. I don't do alone real good...I know you're in there but it's like you're not really here.

You're not talkin' but I know you're here. So I'm just gonna talk, you can listen. Jon, even when I was at the Centre, it was all the things you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not. But you didn't teach me enough. You, and Cory, and my parents, and the Matthews and the handful of people who really care about me, so don't blow me off, Jon!

Don't blow me off, God! I never asked you for anythin' before and I never wanted to come to you like this, but don't take Turner away from me; he's not done yellin' at me yet. God, you're not talkin' but I know You're here, so I'm gonna talk, and You can listen. God, I don't wanna be empty inside anymore."

-Shawn Hunter, Cult Fiction, season 4 episode 21, Boy Meets World.

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It was the 5th of April.

Audrey had not slept more than a few hours. All she could think about was her husband and what might happen to him.

To their children.

She already knew what would happen to her.

It had been years since she had dealt with the all-consuming darkness of depression and anxiety. It had been years since she felt like all control of her life had been ripped out of her hands.

She desperately wanted that control back.

Jon was still asleep. His handsome features were marred by a deep frown. Even in slumber he could not find rest from the problems that plagued him during the day. His complexion, once tan and ruddy, was so pale it was nearly translucent.

And he was so thin.

Audrey reached out a hand and laid it on his cheek gently tracing the lines down his face with her fingers: lines that had not been there eight months before.

She loved the man next to her more than anyone or anything in the world. She was well aware that such deep attachments would only end in heartache for one of them. She knew it was better not to be dependent on any one person. She knew that from watching her father deteriorate after he lost his wife. But still she chose to walk his path. It was too late now to separate herself from Jon.

And she didn't want to.

A darkness like a thick gelatin spread over her as she watched him breathe. It was a sensation she well knew from the days when her eating disorder had been active. She could feel it all over her, rising and falling with each inhale and exhale.

Inhale. Exhale.

Jon's breathing was too shallow for how hard he was sleeping.

Inhale. Exhale.

This was her fault.

She'd been too hard on him. She'd been too consumed with having one more child that she missed the signs of decline she should have seen months ago. And when she did notice, she should have made him take care of himself somehow.

He'd never had migraines prior to two years ago.

That was her fault, too.

She put too much stress on him to be what she selfishly wanted him to be- a principal and nothing more. She should have realized he really wanted to be the superintendent of New York Public Schools. Instead, she forced him to go behind her back to take the position.