Unconditionally Bae

10. Running

Curtis's POV

I couldn’t believe what had happened. How could I have been so stupid? To make things worse, I was the one that instigated it. I acted on my desires.

How drank was I? Was it even the alcohol? I had to be honest with myself and admit that I’d wanted to do that for awhile, the kiss not getting a blowjob from a guy and enjoying it.

Ever since Shane told me he was gay, it was like a switch that went on inside of me. I’d wanted to act out my desires but was too scared. I avoided him and I guess he noticed it too but never said anything. The more I fought those feelings, the more they grew.

It’s not like I wanted anything more, I just wanted to kiss him, find out if I was just being lustful or I had feelings for him. Was I an asshole for doing that to him? It felt like he’d been flirting with me as I attended to his wounds and his lips…fuck, I was an asshole.

However, it wasn’t as if he liked me or anything and he was single so it’s not like he cheated on someone, neither did I lead him on. It was just a kiss. He was the one that took it further…but I let him.

I had a million and one thoughts running through my mind. I felt like an old desktop computer that had different tabs open at the same time and I didn’t know which one to handle first.

The thoughts running wild didn’t let me sleep a wink that night. Regret washed over me as soon as I came down from the excitement. Shane was my best friend, I shouldn’t have kissed him in the first place.

I should have told him no when he kissed me, told him it was a mistake on my part and apologise for doing it. I shouldn’t have let him suck my dick and most of all, I shouldn’t have enjoyed it as much as I did.

Wait, would he expect me to reciprocate when he woke up or in future? I never thought my very first blowjob would be from a guy, my best friend at that. I kind of liked when our eyes met while my dick was in his mouth. I also liked the face he made as he ejaculated.

What the actual fuck? Was I really gay? I was gay! I couldn’t be gay. Maybe bi? It’s not like I was attracted to any girls, I knew Fiona had a thing for me but I liked her as a friend, like I liked Ryan and Timothy. I wasn’t attracted to any of them.

That’s right! I wasn’t gay, maybe I was just curious, Shane was really handsome, anyone would be attracted to him and I wasn’t an exception. It was a phase I was going through. Clare had told us that she had kissed a girl once because she was curious but it was a phase and she got over it. 

I had lived with extroverted women most of my life and it was crazy loud. My sisters and mom were very chatty, even Cy, the least talkative of them was more talkative than I was. Maybe that’s why I was attracted to Shane.

I didn’t have to say much for him to get me. In the year and months we’d been together, he understood me better than anyone ever did. He knew when to sooth my ego and when to call me out on my bullshit. He knew when I wanted to talk and when I just needed to be alone. Maybe that’s what I was confusing with attraction. Yes, that was it.

Maybe I needed to be around a woman that was different from my sisters. Fiona was different from them. We shared some interest and she wasn’t as loud or as chatty as my sisters.

I needed to avoid Shane until I got my thoughts in order but how? We lived in the same room. Eddy wouldn’t want to see me after I fought his friends to help Shane, Ryan and Timothy. The only other option was going home. I didn’t like going home. I wanted to avoid my mom as much as possible but I could stand her for a two days. It’s not like she could force me to talk to her.

I

was still awake when the clock struck six. Shane was soundly asleep next to me and I kind of wanted to kiss him again. What was wrong with me?

I left the apartment and went to our room where I took a quick shower and went home. I found Clare getting ready to leave for work, Cy was getting mom ready for the day while Catlin was getting ready to leave for her Saturday classes. They were all surprised to see me home but still happy.

“Are you going back today or will I find you when I get back?” Clare asked taking her bag.

“I’m here for the weekend,” I reached for the tea before I changed my mind and opted for some hot lemon water.

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened. What are you talking about?”

“I mean who are you trying to avoid? Last I checked this was the last place you ever wanted to be,”

“I’m not avoiding anyone. I just wanted a change of scenery. You know, a change is as good as a rest,”

“Yeah right, we’d buy that if you didn’t look like shit,” Cat said pouring herself a cup of tea as she waited for her toast. “Did you steal someone’s girl? Is that why you came to hide here for the weekend?” How I wish it was that simple and not the fact that I just had my first ever sexual encounter with my best friend who happened to be a guy.

“Nooo, I don’t stoop that low. Some friends and I got in a fight while we were out and I haven’t slept a wink,” Telling them the truth was my only option because my sisters could smell it when I lied to them.

“There are some painkillers on the fridge if you need them and help Cy out when you can,” Clare said.

“Help Cy with what?” Cy asked coming into the kitchen. She came and gave me a hug. “You look like you had a twelve round fight with Tyson,”

“Help you out with whatever he can,” Clare added.

“I’ll do so when I wake up,” I said getting up, “Just take care of mom, I’ll handle the house chores,”

“Really?” she asked excitedly

“Would I lie to you?” I gave her a forehead kiss and went to my room.

I was forced to wake up two hours later because of the erotic dream I’d had of Shane. Only that in the dream I was inside a different part of him. I lay awake in bed trying not to think of him.

I wanted to forget how much I enjoyed myself or the feeling of ejaculating into his mouth. How excited I got when I watched him swallow my load. I wanted to forget how erotic he looked as he ejaculated.

Instead of forgetting all that, I could feel myself getting excited. There was no way I was going to jerk off to those images. I took a quick cold shower before having breakfast and helping out with the chores as I had promised.

Being around my sisters was the distraction I needed. They always had something to tell me. Some gossip to share and I always had to listen because there was always the follow up gossip and I had to know who they were talking about, which always felt like a pop quiz. Sometimes it was boy problem or friend problem but mostly it was just friendly neighbourhood gossip.

My sisters always had my full attention. They could be telling me what they had for lunch and I would still listen just as attentively as I would anything else they said. I was always ready and willing to be there for them and they knew that.

I wanted them to know that they were loved and they never had to settle for just anyone who said that to them. My greatest fear was watching a douche bag like Eddy taking advantage of my sisters and not being able to stop it.