CountryHuman OneShots

Incorrect Quotes with (mostly) Weimar and Soviet

Weimar: Soviet... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Soviet: Your text told me to satanise the house before you returned.
Weimar:
Weimar: I wrote sanitise, Soviet.

Weimar: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I've killed anybody. I'm not an arsonist. I've never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.
Soviet: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

Weimar: So are we flirting right now?
Soviet: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU
Weimar: That doesn't answer my question.

Soviet: I think it's time I get my life in order.
Weimar, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

Weimar: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I'm eating dirt?
Soviet:
Soviet: Why are you eating dirt?
Weimar: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

Weimar: I'm going to hell.
Soviet: Probably.
Weimar: I'll pick you up?
Soviet: *nodding* Carpool.

Soviet: Here you go, Weimar, a nice hot cup of coffee! Weimar: It's cold. Soviet: A nice cup of coffee. Weimar: It's horrible! Soviet: Cup of coffee. Weimar: I'm not sure if this even IS coffee. Soviet: C U P. 

And now, enjoy some quotes from the modern countries. 

*The squad is playing a team sport*
Finland: Are you upset you don't get to be on the same team as Spain?
Germany: Have you ever played a game with Spain?
Finland: No...
Netherlands: Have you ever been trapped in a cage with a wolverine?
*Meanwhile, on the other side of the field*
Spain, chasing Poland: I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD "FASTER" MEANS? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!!!

Spain: We've been conducting an ongoing study to see what Finland will and will not eat.
Poland: Grass? Yes!
Spain: Moss? Yes!!
Poland: Leaves? Ohh, yes!
Spain: Shoelaces? Strange but true!
Poland: Worms? Sometimes!
Spain: Rocks? Usually nah.
Poland: Twigs? Usually!
Spain: Germany's cooking? Inconclusive!
Netherlands: How did you... test this?
Spain: You just hand them stuff and say 'eat this' and if they eat it, they eat it.
Netherlands: ... I don't know how to feel about this.
Germany: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

Finland: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked.
Spain: Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right?
Germany: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time.
Poland: No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy!
Netherlands: ...put it away.

Finland: So we're gonna read what we wrote down so we can tell everyone in the class something about ourselves.
Netherlands: Okay, my name is Netherlands but you can refer to me as Lord Farquad.
Finland: Okay that's not happening- how about you!
Spain: I'm Spain and I like the movie White Chicks!
Finland: ...Okay... whatever, I respect that.
Germany: My name is Germany and I hate this place, it actually sucks here...
Finland: Okay... and you...
Poland: *nervous* Uhhh my name is Poland and my favorite color is... math.

Finland: Okay! Let's play Kiss Marry Kill!
Finland: First who would you kill?
*Spain points at Germany*
*Netherlands points at Germany*
*Poland points at Germany*
Germany: *shrugs* I would kill me too.

Poland: Germany is late again.
Netherlands: How did this happen? I called them at 8 o'clock this morning and pretended it was 11.
Finland: I printed up a fake schedule for them saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.
Spain: I set their clock to say PM when it's really AM.
Poland: Oh boy. We may have overdone it.
*Germany bursts through the door*
Germany: WHAT TIME IS IT?

Poland: Guys, I've been meaning to tell you... Germany and I are dating.
Germany, Spain, Finland, and Netherlands: *gasp*
Poland: Germany, why are you surprised?!

Poland, holding in their laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it's doing?
Germany: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.
Poland:
Poland: Water you doing?