Razorblade |-/ Tyler Joseph Fic

chapter øne

I never really understood why kids resorted to self-harm. And I never really knew what self-harm was until I met Lizzie, officially. I made a point of saying hello to her every day, because, goddamn, she looked so empty all the time. She talked to people a lot, but I hardly ever saw her smile. Not genuinely, at least. She just didn't seem to want any friends. I was debating when to finally talk with her, for real one day, when that one day in gym class happened.

I wasn't quite paying attention to her, to be honest, when we were all sitting on the bleachers in the pool arena. I was pretending to listen to the coach and then making faces at Josh when he turned away. It's when the coach said her name that I really paid attention.

"Lizzie," he said sternly.

I looked over to see what she was doing wrong, but she was just looking out the window. Watching the birds, maybe. They were all over the sky, flying through the trees, the clouds, everywhere.

"Lizzie," the coach said again, louder this time.

But she was still so lost in thought, I didn't want her to be interrupted.

"Elizabeth," coach called, his voice booming off the tiles.

She jumped and looked scared out of her wits. "What?"

"You heard what I was saying, right?"

I looked from coach over to her as if I were watching a goddamn soap opera.

Her lips were pursed as she nodded.

"So you think you know all about the guidelines? You think you can teach the class better than I can?" His arms were crossed, and I was concerned for Lizzie, who shook her head.

"Come up here, please."

I rested my chin on my knees and covered my mouth with my hands.

Like a criminal being called up for their death penalty, she slowly stood up and walked over.

Coach took her place on the bleachers, and raised his hand like a kid. "'Scuse me, Coach?"

The kids around me laughed, but I didn't find any humor in the situation whatsoever.

"Where do I put my swimsuit at the end of class?"

"I, er . . ."

God, she was shaking like a leaf.

"What would I do if someone had a seizure during laps?"

"Um . . ."

That's when I noticed them. The marks on her legs. I know my sister had some like those on her arms, but I wasn't sure what they were. They didn't look good.

"Oh, uh, what about if someone pukes in the pool?"

More laughter.

"What would I do then?"

Her eyes were brimming with tears, and I couldn't help but stare at her legs. God, there were so many marks.

"You know what, go sit down." Coach finally stood up and sent her back to her seat. "And try paying attention next time, yeah?"

We all watched as Lizzie took her seat on the bleachers again. It was hard not to stare, and I felt so guilty doing it.

"Alright, kids, split into three sections: minnows, guppies, and sea bass. Sea bass being the strongest swimmers, minnows being the weakest. Let's show some hustle."

We all stood up and filed ourselves accordingly, and I met up with Josh in the guppy section. I looked around for Lizzie, and caught her heading into the bathroom. Her body language told me that she was hardly holding it together.