Unspoken Poetry

Suicide part 1☠

~ pre note ; this will take 'letter form'~

Life,

Ah, this supposed 'gift' God has given me. 

Let me ask you something real quick, a'ight; can I get the receipt? Is there such thing as 'refunds' or 'returns' with you?... Huh, I thought so. Just thought I'd ask, you know, since you couldn't give my friend a 2nd chance?

Remember that? It was August 23rd, 2017. * forced+ painful laugh* I was in 6th grade- 6th FUCKING GRADE. Not like it ever mattered before, right? Well, guess what? It did- it mattered so fucking much it hurt. And it didn't help that I was in Juvie. 

Did you know I was in the classroom, working on a science circuit? Then one of the staff came in and said I had a phone call.  (Mind you, I had not the best conversation with the legal guardians that call themselves " my parents" the night before.) Yet, you could care less of the pain I had- because you didn't even think twice before accepting his life in your twins' ice cold hands.

But, oh boy- it wasn't the self proclaimed 'guardians', was it? No. For it was his mother, Mrs. Philips. as soon as I heard it was from her, I jumped out of my seat so damn fast, not even you could've caught me with that disgustingly tight grip of your twin Death.

I got on the phone, worried- since it had been 5 months since his last attempt.

"Hello? Mrs. Philips, is that you?" I might as well snuck my puff in there or having some serious withdrawals because God only knows how much I was shaking.

"EJ, is that you?" I could tell by her ragged short breaths and hoarse voice that she had been crying.

" Yes ma'am, it is. Is everything all right? How's everything? Is Andy ( Andrew) doing ok since I've been gone?" At the mention of his name, she snapped. Snapped just like that.

And in that moment I knew you done fucked up.

The pain. Oh man, you don't know the half of it! Wait, you did. Otherwise, you wouldn't have fucking pulled some sick shit like that. Wanna know what I did? I know you do know it because you were watching my reaction through the security camera, you sick little fuck. I screamed.

Not some little girl ' he stole my bike' scream. Not the toddler ' I didn't get my way so Imma shriek' scream. Not the teenager ' my gramma died' scream ( which I didn't even react to- I was numb as fuck). The grown ass adult ' I'm being murdered; fuck all those who wronged me' scream. ( When the others came back they thought a wild animal was set loose).

Oh, boy did I wanna show my rage! I didn't because that is exactly  what you wanted me to do. I wasn't about to give you that satisfaction.

tbh...