TIME AFTER TIME ; jjk

38

Chapter 38

JEON JUNGKOOK

I'd spent the rest of the day dodging questions about my job from my parents and making up reasons why I wasn't coming back to work, which I would've done exactly if I wasn't fired. They didn't show signs of suspicion, and they were more than happy to keep me around the house. By the time the darkness shrouded the city, I revved my car to life and drove to the hospital. I waited outside, standing near the entrance, shoving my hands into my pockets without any intention of going inside while the bitterness was still freshly mantling my chest.

I was watching the other vehicles hightailing onto the road, catching the soft glow of lights in the night and tension tossing its shadow over my shoulders when I knew Soohyun was supposed to clock out by now. I kind of prepared myself for her reaction but I still wasn't sure how she was going to handle it. Even I wasn't sure how to feel precisely, how to define the emotions hurling at my head all at once, and I wasn't just going to pick them apart right at that moment. How I'd feel for the days or weeks that would follow was even more of a huge canvas to fill.

Soohyun and I had plans together. Now I had doubts if I was going to accomplish some of them with her, which was totally disappointing. I would see what I could do, but in hindsight the odds didn't seem to be in my favor. I was hoping I could play my stakes in life like action figures. Get some control. Do it on hard mode like a pro.

I suddenly felt like I shred weight off my body when I spotted my girlfriend stepping out of the hospital I hesitated to enter, and when she found my face among the others, her expression quickly lit up, the corners of her mouth lifting in delight. But her eyes carried the same force I was trying not to put on in front of her, setting off a sense of fear in me.

I seemed to be making Soohyun sad a lot more than what I had ever intended lately.

I didn't know what to do about that.

My hand instantly folded around hers but it must have been not enough when she stepped into my space cupping my cheeks so I leaned down for her to reach me, pressing her lips to mine, warm and brief, and I wished I could melt and outstrip my past form after I might have heard a sob slip out of her mouth.

I was about to tell her anything to anchor her tears back into her eyes but she'd done it herself and said, "I haven't eaten dinner yet." I felt the muscles of my face slacken while I gave her a gentle squeeze. I also offered an easy smile like the terrible news this morning hadn't fazed me. This was easy: wriggling out of the reality for as long as we could manage. A pulsing drive of affection coursed through my fingers, lingering on her skin.

Soohyun hadn't spoken much to me on our way to Lotteria; she wanted fastfood. If I could hear what she was thinking, my ears would be violently ringing with noise and loud crashes. Aggressively overlapping, too. I let her dip into silence, momentarily watching her while she stared out the car window.

Inside the fast-food place we got ourselves a spot in the farthest corner and ordered burger-chicken sets which had Soohyun smiling, to my relief. I matched her mild enthusiasm in an attempt to kick some burden off my chest and pretend that things weren't about to change because I sure wanted a change but not in this way. We saw a group of highschool girls glancing at us a couple of tables away and they had instantly ducked their heads, whispering among themselves, the moment we looked back in their direction.

I chuckled, turning to my girlfriend. "Must've been starstruck by you, Doc."

"We both know you are striking," she said.

"You flatter me too much."

And she was quiet again. I was feeling like an idiot stalling over the fact that we'd have to talk about the real thing anytime soon, but I was scared to map it out first when Soohyun appeared a bit resigned to even confront how I'd bring it up. She clearly knew what happened through Taehyung, and it was affecting her as much as it did to me. Soohyun cared, that was why she didn't deserve to have any of the drama. Why couldn't she just be wrapped in all the good stuff?