TIME AFTER TIME ; jjk

30

Chapter 30

JEON JUNGKOOK’S POV

I allowed myself to not think too much. My head had always been not empty in a sense. And it was weighing on me. My therapist said therapy is a long-term iterative process, and there had been things that I could’ve handled differently, looked at differently, but she said I would eventually reach that place where things are to be found different, and that my feelings were valid. 

If so, I was all the wrong things that were wrong with me. Something to do with accountability.

It was terrifying for me to put my thoughts out there and beyond myself. There are infinite sides to all things but there are ones, I thought, that are one-sided and not subject to more interpretations. Why think all the time, Jungkook?

I returned the word when the new residents walked out the door and said an enthusiastic “goodbye!” Their voices waned as they had retired. 

I thought of Soohyun and wondered if I could see her this time if we had the chance. I looked down at my hands and they were sort of shaking. Must be the stress again. Suddenly I became the physical embodiment of my emotions. How could I have dealt with it differently? I wouldn’t like Soohyun to watch me feeling anxious, because that would make her feel the same way, too. I wouldn’t want her to see my gross sweaty hands when I rested them and rubbed them against my lap while we passed time. I wouldn’t want to shift my gaze when she’d try to look into my eyes.

I changed into a black shirt and wide pants and gathered my things so I could leave and drive home. My hands were still slightly shaking and my heart was pounding so I had to do a breathing technique that didn’t seem too obvious while I made my way to the parking lot. I went into my car, leaned on the seat and exhaled deeply before I started driving.

I refused to flirt with and give into the silence, turning on some music. ‘The Same Deep Water As You’ by The Cure was excessively gloomy so I changed it into a song that I didn’t even like. Charli XCX’s Yuck reverberated inside my car, and I could only remember Taehyung silly-dancing to this song.

My heart almost jumped out of my chest when the sound was replaced with a loud ringing. I glanced at my phone and swiped my finger on the screen to answer.

“Jungkook!”

“Hi, what got you calling?”

“I’m at a bar. Will you come?” Soohyun asked.

“Not sure. What are you doing there?”

“Drinking, obviously.”

“I mean, why?” I stopped at traffic lights and waited.

“No reason. I haven’t had alcohol in a while. Will you come and drink with me? And I was also wondering if you could take me home, my parents’ house, after? Sorry to bother you but I didn’t bring my car with me today so–”

“Where are you?”

“Nite Life.”

Everything moved again. I maneuvered the car to a corner. “Are you serious?”

Her booming laugh echoed over the line. “Shiva Pub. ‘You know where that is?”

“Yeah, on my way.” 

"Thank you!"

Less than ten minutes later, I arrived at the pub and was welcomed with a laid-back vintage atmosphere, cramped spaces, and a few customers smoking hookah. Upbeat music was fading in the background. I quickly looked for Soohyun and spotted her sitting all by herself at a table by the vast bookshelves decorated with colorful LED strip lights leaning against a wall. She ardently waved a hand and made me order. Decent beer selection. The bar was specializing in Indian cuisine and the food menu was somehow limited, making me a bit lost and embarrassed. But the owner was friendly enough to tell us which one we would want to eat as new customers. From where we sat I could point out foreigners quietly conversing.