Holding On

ɴɪɴᴇᴛᴇᴇɴ

Zain stalked towards the woman in front of him, enraged by her flippancy and disregard for the sacrifice he'd made five years ago.

Her back hit the wall, and before she could venture elsewhere, he hurried and placed both of his hands at her sides, one at each, making sure there was no escaping for her. No escaping from the emotions he knew she must be running away from.

Lowering his head and likewise his tone so that it reverberated with warning, he said sternly. “I left you to protect you and you know it.”

She closed her eyes and shivered slightly, and his gaze was riveted to the rise and fall of her breasts aided by her heavy breathing.

He was making her nervous and the thought made him satisfied. It signified he still had some effect on her.

Except her next words didn't make him feel that good. “I wanted to stay, Zain. I begged you to let me be with you. You were only protecting yourself because you were afraid." She pushed at his hand and sighed when he refused to relent.

“I did that to save us both the emotional pain, Em. I was going to be useless soon, not even be able to take care of myself. That wasn't something I could've watched you subject yourself to. And you would've resented me in the future for being a burden.”

“That only proves your mistrust in me, Zain. If you thought I could walk away when you needed me the most.” She mused. “We could've at least kept in touch over the phone. It would've been so much better than you leaving me to the agony and fright whenever I thought of your wellbeing.”

She spoke with the bitterness she still obviously had against him for that particular night. And in his estimation, it was a good sign she still had feelings for him.

“No second passed without me thinking of you all the way home. Many times I was tempted by the pain to return to you but I always held back myself knowing it was for the best.” He told her.

"I've never stopped thinking about you all these years, Emma. You don't know how hard it's been for me living away from you. It was like willingly accepting to be in hell.” He said reminiscing those lonely nights, and then he thought of the very recent discovery about Em's marriage, and anger streamed through his veins. “But what about you, huh?”

He looked into her eyes and pulled even closer to her so that his painful arousal pressed into her core. She sucked in a breath, before her eyes opened and she returned his gaze with an angry one of her own.

Not breaking eye contact, he whispered against her lips- those lips that called out to him to kiss them. “It barely took you a year to move on. While I spent years thinking of you.”

“What should that tell you?” She whispered, and the rasp in her voice sent another punch of desire to his groin.

“What?” He moved his lips even closer, tempted yet holding himself back while she denied she still had feelings for him. Soon he would have her begging him to kiss her.

“That I no longer have any feelings for you.” Her voice was resolute, but the gleam in her eyes and the tremor of her body told an interesting tale of its own.

“Hmm, I don't believe you.” He prided. “But I want to understand. How could you have moved on so quickly?” He desperately needed an answer in order to halt the conclusions forming in his head.

Her eyes suddenly shot open, flashing with an anger that almost took him aback. “Like seriously, do you even have to ask why I did it? Have you forgotten what you wrote in that note?”

Then she mimicked him, the words as accurate as he could remember writing. “‘I know this is going to upset you, but I believe this is best for both of us. Please move on with your life Emma. Give yourself a chance to live, love and be happy with a man who truly deserves you.’”

“You told me to move on. To get over my fears and give love a chance, and I gave it to a man who truly deserves me, just like you'd said. So what the hell is your problem?” She reasoned, an indignant fire blazing in her eyes. “You can't just give me advise and return five years later rebuking me for following through with it.”

Zain stood dumbfounded and transfixed, never having imagined that those words would come to haunt him, that he would regret saying them so much.

At that time he'd thought it was the best thing for her thinking that he would never see her again, that the syndrome would eventually destroy him and so he would never come to regret it.

But now reality twisted his guts into a painful realization; he'd pushed Emma into another man's arms.

The realization had weakened his arms so much that with one nudge, Emma was able to extricate herself and step away from him.

“Emma, I...” He began, turning around.

“You nothing, Zain Chadwick. Just let me be.” She didn't face him but her voice shook.

Holding her by the arm he swerved her around to face him. “I really did love you. If I'd told you to move on, it was because I knew the disease had no cure. I didn't want to waste your life.”

He looked into her eyes, wanting to ascertain the emotions swirling in the forest green depths. Just painful uncertainty was all he glimpsed.

“That weekend - it couldn't have meant nothing to you, Em. You couldn't have forgotten what happened and what we shared during the time we spent together.” He hated how his voice came out so pleading, begging for her assurance.

She jerked her arm from his hand, and this time, it was he who retraced his steps with each one she took forward. She looked intensely at him, as if she was trying to discover the way to hit his soul with her words.

“You are right. That weekend meant a lot to me because it taught me the need to fight my fears and become a better person, to not hurt others anymore for the sake of my own insecurities.”

For a moment her eyes softened as she stopped approaching, only to harden with bitterness when she spoke again. “But it's long been gone Zain. I barely think of it.”

Caught off guard, Zain took a step back, appalled by her ingratitude and disregard towards his sacrifice. “You are so ungrateful!” His voice came out low and defeated in a way he hadn't planned.

The look on her face didn't falter as she spoke. “Believe me, I'm so grateful for your 'sacrifices', really. After all, if you hadn't left me I would've never met George and I wouldn't be so in love and happy with such a beautiful daughter.”

Her words jagged through his heart so hard that Zain could barely breath for it. “You don't love him.” It was more of a plea than a statement.

“Oh my, just look at Mr. Presumptuous telling me what I'm supposed to be feeling.” She said mockingly.

“You still have feelings for me!” He asserted, teetering on the edge of doing the unthinkable, of grabbing her and kissing her by force.

“I don't!”

That was it. His control snapped, and before she had time to read his intentions, he lurched forward and pulled her to him by the waist. She gasped, and he, growling with frustration, apprehended her head and crashed his lips to hers.

____________________

I'm so sorry for how late this came in. I hope you liked the chapter. Do you support what Zain is doing? Let me know!

LOL
–E