Adored

Seventy-three

Felix crawled back under his covers knowing he needed some more sleep but equally certain it was not likely to happen. His mind and his heart churned with the torment Easton had been through. It was amazing and yet not so, that Easton had made such a place in his heart in just over a week. In reality though, Easton claimed his heart when Scott walked through their front door with him right from the hospital. He was no longer surprised at the capacity to love yet another person. Some thought it would be overwhelming, but he got so much in return that just refilled his reservoir for love. A tear rolled down his cheek as he thought about Easton wishing for a brother but also feeling guilty for such a wish. No one should have to contemplate such feelings of being alone and vulnerable but especially not a little child. He hoped the police were putting together a solid case to put Ryan away for a long time where he couldn't hurt more children. The vengeful part of him also hoped Ryan gave them some reason to be put in solitary confinement so he might begin to understand what he did to his son.

Of course, his thoughts then traveled to all the hurting children in the world. It frustrated him that there were so many, and they couldn't help all of them. He took a deep breath and sat up allowing his eyes to stare at the wall directly across from their bed. Scott had purposely hung his last birthday gift in that spot because he was aware of these feelings that tormented Felix often. It was a framed story written by Loren Eisley called The Starfish Thrower. It was dark in the room, but Felix didn't need to read it to remember the message of it. A person is walking along the beach and sees another person throwing something into the ocean. They see it is starfish they are throwing into the ocean. Stopping to watch with curiosity, they can't help but ask, "What are you doing?"

The thrower explains that the starfish are stranded from the low tide, and they are rescuing them by throwing them back into the ocean. The observer is surprised and asks, "How can you make a difference? There are so many starfish on so many beaches."

The thrower picks up the starfish and looks at it for a moment before throwing it back into the ocean. "It made a difference to that one."

Tears of comfort rolled down Felix's face as he reminded himself of the children whom he and Scott had made a difference for the better in their lives. No, they couldn't save every child, but it would not stop them from helping all those that they could. Along with the framed artwork, Scott had also found a keychain version with the image of a starfish and the words "Make a Difference." Often, Felix would reach into his pocket and grasp that keychain to remind himself why he did what he did in life as a teacher but also as a person. He reached for a tissue and wiped his eyes of the tears as he took a cleansing breath. Finally, he was able to lay down on his pillow and close his eyes in peace. He needed to thank his husband when he got home for giving him not only the meaningful gifts but also his love and understanding as well.

Author's Note: The story of the starfish was first shared with me as a teen. It touched me deeply. I have a chapter about this in my book Lifelong Impact from a Sermon and Other Life Lessons. It's chapter 2 if you want to read more about it and my take on this story at this time in my life after reading it 35 years ago.

Also, this is not at all how I planned this chapter was going to go. I had no plans of mentioning the starfish until I suddenly felt I needed to, that it was the perfect place for it. It's interesting when your own story gets hi-jacked and the plot goes where you never imagined it would.