Adored

Twenty-five

In a corner of the living room there was a tall cupboard with shelves and doors. Inside this cupboard they stored art supplies, board games, and puzzles for the family's use. Some might call it their quality time cupboard, but Scott and Felix strived to make all their time with the family meaningful and intentionally valuable. While they did make careful plans to create special moments with the boys, they also made efforts to make everyday interactions an opportunity to uplift their children and encourage them. The buzz word was Mindfulness, but they were just sad that this needed to be pointed out because it had become less a part of today's society. Scott noticed parents pushing their children in the shopping cart, focused on their phone, missing the transient opportunity to engage with their child. They treated them like a sack of potatoes, instead of the precious person they are, just hungry for attention and love.

That was one of the qualities that made him fall in love with Felix, his innate ability to pay attention to people. When he talked to you, you had his full attention. He engaged in conversation asking additional questions and always offering some encouragement. It was kind of hot really, to have the attention as well as attraction of an emotionally available man. His confidence without being egotistical had also drawn Scott in. And the way Felix had interacted with Nixon was the icing on the proverbial cake.

Nixon was two when Scott and Felix met, and he was so painfully shy. They met at the park often so Nixon could play while they got to know each other. Scott had kept it causal even though he was attracted, because he had to consider more than himself before starting a serious relationship. Felix often brought a snack or even a picnic meal for them to share and he didn't try to overwhelm Nixon with attention, but he didn't ignore him or act as though he was a nuisance either.

Scott appreciated how Felix took Nixon into consideration when he brought child-friendly food along with fancier stuff for Scott to try and none of it was junk food. He brought healthy snacks and didn't get offended if either of them didn't like something. They often laughed together at the faces Nixon made when he tried something he didn't like. No one fussed at him and just offered him something else. He was given freedom to explore his palate. They quickly discovered he liked bolder flavors than they imagined he would. He liked the crunch of bell pepper slivers and the tang of dill pickles. He was as bad as a puppy begging from each of their plates equally to be given their peppers.

Nixon made grabby hands and his 'I want that' grunt as usual, which Felix had noted how little Nixon spoke. It had been several months of these park dates often occurring twice a week when he finally decided to intervene and try something. He was aware it could put Scott on the defensive, so he trod carefully. When Nixon came to his side of the table after successfully gaining Scott's pepper with his mimed plea, Felix lifted Nixon into his arms so he could stand on the bench, but he held him back from his plate with a gently restraining hand on his little chest.

"What would you like, Nixon?"

Nixon looked at him and pointed at the plate. He had a frown on his face as this was a new situation. Usually, he was picked up and just started investigating the plate taking what he wanted.

"Would you like some pepper?" Felix asked emphasizing the word 'pepper' as he held a piece up for Nixon to see.

Nixon reached for it as his obvious answer, but Felix held it just out of reach. Finally, Nixon looked at the frustrating man to see why he wasn't just giving him the food.

"Try saying 'PEPper." Felix coached, emphasizing the pop of the p sound throughout the word.

Felix felt Scott's curious gaze on him, and restrained himself from looking at him, keeping his attention on Nixon instead.

"Say 'pepper', Nixy. I know you can do it." Felix encouraged.

Nixon sensed the fortitude Felix had as he held up the pepper calmly like he could stay like that indefinitely. His small mind was curious whether compliance or descension would get him the pepper faster although certainly not in those terms. Sometimes his daddy would ask him to do something, but if he didn't want to, he might cry or throw himself down. Then daddy would swoop in and scoop him up shushing him and kissing him and he wouldn't have to do whatever it was. He knew daddy would just hand him the pepper, but he wasn't so sure about this man. Felix had been very nice to him, but they'd had no conflicts, so he was an unknown variable. He made one more attempt at his standard 'grabby hands' move of opening and closing his out-stretched hand toward the desired food. Felix had the audacity to only raise an eyebrow and tip his head down slightly in what would become his infamous look of silent reproach of 'really?' at his actions. Nixon made a last-ditch appeal by looking to his daddy, but he was only looking at Felix with a confused expression. Finally, Nixon looked back at Felix and said in a defiant tone, "peppa'."

Immediately he was rewarded with the pepper sliver as he was pulled into Felix's chest and squeezed. Rocking him back and forth, Felix declared "I knew you could do it, Nixy! You're my smart boy!"

They all froze as his words sunk in on varying levels.

Felix immediately feared he had crossed a line. He had to remember that Nixon wasn't his child. YET. He hoped that would change in time.

Nixon was shocked how good it felt to please Felix by doing something new. He could talk, he just hadn't seen much reason to do it when he could get daddy to understand him without it. His belly warmed with his newfound feeling of pride.

Scott had multiple responses zinging through his brain. Each was making his heart race faster. First, he realized how often he caved at the first sign of resistance from Nixon. He was so unsure of his parenting, that he had become a pushover. Second, he recognized that his little boy could handle a few simple challenges and had been playing him like the proverbial fiddle. Third, he felt deep down inside how much he wanted and needed Felix in his and his son's life. They were so much richer for his presence and involvement. He had so much he could teach them, but what could he give in return? Did Felix need them, or did he just need to be needed? That wouldn't last for a long-term relationship. There needed to be give AND take.

He looked over at who he had to admit are his two true loves, wondering if he could be enough for them, if he could be the father and the partner they each deserved. He wanted to be that man. He was going to work on being that man, he vowed to himself in that moment.

It was his new-found determination that they would know with full assurance that they were ADORED.

Author's note: I know I promised Easton fluff and cuteness with his art project and as you see, it started that way, but then Scott started thinking back to the early days, so I blame him. We'll just have to see if he can get back on task and get the project underway. (sigh)