♠ ♦ Alice in Borderland ♣ ♥

38

Slowly the first signs of consciousness return. My muscles still feel so limp that I'm unable to move yet, shifting focus to my other senses. The first thing I notice is that I hear Yuki's voice and his desperate intonation gives me goosebumps.

'Kairi?' he asks concerned. His warm hand on my arm causes my body to wake up more and more, to which my brain is fully stimulated over time. It reacts earlier than the rest of me, resulting in my body immediately collapsing when I jump up without warning. Yuki catches me just in time. He holds me back with his strong arms. There's no way I could ever tear myself away from him, but after the realization kicks in, I don't even want to try that anymore.

My body is going limp again, not just from the sudden exertion that was too fast. I can't help but cling to Yuki as my eyes grow moist. 'Chichiro,' I whisper as my cloudy eyes dart to the ground and I see a pair of wounded legs lying motionless on the floor. Soran's vest has been used to cover his face and torso.

So it really was true. It wasn't a hallucination I got from lack of oxygen.

I still have difficulty breathing, which is made worse by the uncontrolled contraction of my chest from my wild sobbing. 'Ssht, Kairi...' Yuki says comfortingly as he gently caress my hair with his hand. 'You've been unconscious for a while. Your body has yet to recover.' Only now do I realize that we're no longer in our capsules, but in the lobby of the capsule hotel.

'Chichiro...' is all I can cry out. 'Hold her down,' Kyo says with a sigh, but I have to go to him. 'Chichiro!' I exclaim as I try to tear myself free again. 'Let me go! I have to help him!' But Yuki's grip only gets stronger. 'Kairi,' he says softly, 'there's nothing more you can do for him...' His voice is broken. That cannot be true. There must be something I can do. I have to come up with a solution. Chichiro is not dead. That's just not possible.

'Chick,' Kyo sighs, 'can't you see he's dead? He jumped out of that capsule to save your life.'

'Kyo,' Yuki warns him, but the boy doesn't care. Once again I collapse in Yuki's arms. 'Shut up,' Soran says, glaring at Kyo. 'Are you sure you want to be this tough to someone with a knife in his hand?' I'm trying to understand the setting, but I can't concentrate yet. I can only look at Chichiro's covered up body.

It's my fault. He's dead because of me.

'Sit down, you,' Kyo says menacingly as he points his knife at Soran. It looks like he will risk getting stabbed, because that will be less of a burden to him than that he might not be able to comfort me. 'I'll trade with him,' Yuki says, nodding at Soran. 'No,' Reo says when Soran tries to get up, 'you have to go first.' He nods at an annoyed Yuki, who shakes his head resolutely. 'I'm not leaving her.' Kyo sighs. 'She's five seconds without your support, don't be so dramatic. She really doesn't fall down if she's not held all the time.' I'm not so sure. 'Or would you rather keep your girl close to you?' He just keeps going. Even when the game is over and we're freed from the capsules, he continues. 'Is it okay?' Yuki asks me softly. 'Soran is coming right away.' It's not okay, but I don't want to be difficult. So I nod, but Yuki hasn't let go of me for two seconds or my body is already collapsing on the sofa, to which Kyo starts laughing. 'Kairi, I'm here,' Soran says softly, wrapping his arms around me.

'Chichiro,' I exclaim, 'is dead...' The boy who never ridiculed me and supported me in quiet moments is dead. And that's my fault. He had opened his capsule to deliberately lay down his life for mine, when I didn't deserve it. It's my own fault that I got into trouble because of the assignments. I've tried to protect people like Kyo and Reo. I chose not to risk the lives of others. I chose not to condemn them to a terrible fate. If I had... if I had increased the chance that one of the murderous players could be picked, Chichiro would still be alive. But no, I needed to be the eternal moral knight and try to save everyone, even though they had no problem sentencing me. Because I let them have their way, my friend is now dead. I thought I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror if I hurt even one of them, but now I'm sure I can never forgive myself for this.