𝗥𝗲𝗱 | JJk ✔️

43| Love In Other Words

Jungkook tugs several strands of your curly hair behind your ear. With one hand still under your hoodie, he lifts it upwards, exposing your stomach, then your bra, then slowly, he takes your hoodie off your head.

You could have sworn he stopped breathing for a second. And his eyes aren't even looking at your body first. He's looking at your face--just your face.

Even though you're only wearing a bra and panties, Jungkook's eyes are glistering at you--with a kind of unbelieving vigor that makes you blush like rose buds. "Woah," he mumbles under his breath, with a cute little pout.

That was, easily, the cutest thing you have witnessed in existence.

Jungkook's cold fingertips reach up to stretch a single strand of your curly hair before he lets it go, watching with mild enchantment as it springs into a curl again. 

His hand starts from the top, brushing your curls then grazing your cheeks, your jaw, then lower to your neck, your collarbone. Your breathing is so shallow, it's the only sound in the room.

Jungkook's finger then traces down your shoulder, gently flicking the strap of your black bra off. Your breath hitches, your stomach doing a flip when you hear him speak, with a voice that makes your heart knot into a bow.

"If I could invent a word, Red, I would invent one that perfectly captures how beautiful you are."

Nothing–Nothing could have prepared you for that sentence.

Your heart blooms in your chest as if Cupid was making a fire. 

No one has ever bewitched you with words before now. Your dizzy. Unable to make sense of any of this. Because this feels like a dream.

Love struck, your eyes flick between every curve of Jungkook's chiseled face, trying to discern if this was real. If what he just said was really what he meant.

"You don't realize what affect you have on people," you say, and he blinks at you, his black eyes wide and glossy. "Red--" He starts, and he looks almost... afraid, embarrassed, guilty.

"There's things I want to say to you," he whispers, and his breath is on your lips. You stare up at him, admiring the magical shade of moonlight on his face while it lasts. "So that you can never allow yourself to like me."

Something heavy drops in your chest and you frown at him when his hand tightens on your waist. "Jung–"

He shushes you with his index finger pressed against your lips. "I want to talk," he insists, "Before we do this. I want you to listen. I owe you. I owe you every word, Red."

You're itching to grab his hand again and place it on your waist but you're anticipating whatever he has to say next.

For a long while it's quiet, and you feel Jungkook's secrets reverberate through every dark cell in your body.

How many secrets did this man have? How much trauma has he kept at bay just to give you the impression that all was okay?

"Whenever you're ready," you whisper, taking his hand again, and gently nudging him to lay beside you. He does, his heavy body sulking on the mattress. 

A cold, chilly air swipes across your nearly naked body, and Jungkook brings the sheets above you with his hand around your waist.

You stare at him with a small, encouraging smile. "No matter what you say, I want you to know that nothing is ever going to change the way we are—whatever we are."

Jungkook tenses, and you can feel the expansion of his chest when he inhales.
"Don't be so confident. I've done some of the most appalling things in life, Red. You will not look at me the same. And I will never allow myself to let you have me because I'm a monster. I want you to hate me. I'm no more than a man."

"There are no monsters in this world," you chide. "Only people that do monstrous things."

Jungkook lets out a dry sound of mockery, like what you said was the most oblivious thing. But it was true. It's something your dad always told you.

Your heart is beating so fast you try not to stop him from saying anything because this is to be. He has to lament. And if he's ready then so are you.

You bring your arm around him, and his grip tightens around you. You two are huddled together so close, so naked, so exposed that there's no space for lies.

Heartbeats mirroring one another, the two of you prolong the silence until Jungkook takes a deep, shaky breath. 

You wait. As long as he needs until you hear his voice again. It's clear. Loud. Steady.

And when he talks, you feel the world go dark and still and quiet. So quiet you have to hold your breath.

"I was seven years old," starts Jungkook, and every source of light around you fades into shades of hell.

~~~~~

A/N: Unedited. Major TW. Please proceed to the next chapter if sexual abuse, physical harm, and angst does not make you uncomfortable

p.s i will update this week