Chapter One

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trigger warning: cursing, self-harm, Anorexia, and Bulimia

"And that's what makes you beautiful!" Harry sang into the mic.

I could hear the fans cheering from every direction. After waving to a few of them, I looked up at the screen; the fans tweets started appearing, huh, I guess they decided yet another thing to do without my opinion.

"Niall you want to read this one?" Zayn asked me.

I froze but somehow managed to nod my head; I looked up at the screen and tried to force my eyes to read the words, my bottom lip trembled. I couldn't do it. Liam came up to me with worry etched on his face.

"What's wrong mate?" He asked.

I ran off the stage with tears in my eyes. I heard the boys yelling for me to stay, but I fled from the stage like the coward I have always been. As I rounded the corner, I saw mine and Liam's dressing room, so I ran in there and locked them out.

"Niall?" I heard Liam ask cautiously.

To his surprise I came out as soon as I heard him say my name. He pulled me in for a hug and squeezed me tightly.

"What's wrong mate?" He asked me rubbing circles on my back.

"I-I can." I said.

I heard the boys end the concert, and Paul came in to let us know we were going out for dinner.

Liam kept pestering me and would not stop, so I ended up putting my headphones in to drown him out. I heard Bullet, by Hollywood Undead, begin to play and I couldn't help but mouth the words. By the time we got to the restaurant, the song was over and everyone made their way to the our table, waiting for an explenation.

"So, uhm," I started, scratching the back of my neck nervously.

"What the hell was that?! Do you know how much trouble we are going to be with modest?!"

My eyes stung as Liam yelled at me. "I-I'm sorry, I-"

"Irresponsible, inconsiderate," Liam tugged at his hair in frustraition.

"I-I'm sorry Li, it won't happen again."

His face seemed to soften as Zayn came over and sat next to me, wrapping an arm around me.

"Ni, we have to go see modest tomorrow, just don't worry about it right now though. If you ever want talk, just let me know, okay?"

I picked at my food while the boys devoured theirs, but felt a bit better when we got up to leave.

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