If Only, If Only

Hello, Stanley

The next day, we saw a yellow bus pulling into camp with a replacement for Barfbag. The campers called out "Fresh meat!", just like they had the first day I arrived.

The new camper's name was Stanley. He had a sweet, round face and dark, curly hair. He was given the same introduction I was: Work clothes, relaxation clothes, blah blah blah. Watch out for 'em yellow-spotted lizards! More blah blah blah. Then Mom gave him a truly heart-touching speech before introducing him to the guys (and girl) of Tent D.

I cringed when Mom told Stanley that Armpit would be his mentor.

"Be nice to him," I warned Armpit.

"Of course, Scraps. Kindness is my middle name." Armpit responded innocently.

Moments later, Armpit had Stanley in a chokehold. I felt bad for what Stanley had to be smelling.

"My name is Armpit,' Armpit said, shoving Stanley to the ground. Stanley had called Armpit 'Theodore', and now he was learning a valuable lesson. The boys of D-tent gathered around to watch Stanley.

"You know he smells that," Squid snickered.

I rolled my eyes and pushed through the group surrounding Stanley.

"Alright, alright. Give the kid a break," I said, offering a hand to Stanley.

The boys muttered under their breath and scattered to go waste their time somewhere else.

"Thanks... Are they always like this?" Stanley asked.

"No, don't worry about it," I lied. "Just try to remember all the nicknames,".

"Right...uhh...what's yours again?"

I chuckled. "I'm Scrappy, or Scraps if you'd like."

"Oh...ok".

I showed Stanley the water spigot, showers, mess hall, "library", and rec room. The more I got to know him, the more I wondered how such a harmless kid like Stanley could end up in a place like this.

"So what'd they get you for?" Squid asked at dinner after X-Ray had taken Stanley's bread.

"Stealing a pair of shoes," Stanley said, glancing around.

"From the store, or were they still on someone's feet," Squid joked.

"No, no he just killed the dude first. You just left out that little detail, right?" Zig Zag said with a wild look in his eyes.

"They were Clyde Livingston's shoes," Stanley said, making the table burst into chatter.

"Man, you did not steal no Clyde Livingston's Sweetfeet shoes," X-Ray protested.

"His world series cleats," Stanley said quietly.

Who's Clyde Livingston? I thought.

"Hold on, hold on. How'd you get 'em?" Magnet asked. "He's like the fastest guy in the majors, right?"

Oh right. That one baseball dude with the infamous smelly feet.

"He hit four triples in one game!" Squid said. Squid had always been a baseball fan, and sometimes he and I would watch a game on the television while Mom was sleeping. He always dreamed of playing in a minor league, but without a parental signature, he had no way to join.

"Clyde Livingston donated his shoes to this, uh, this homeless shelter," Stanley explained.

"Did they have reds x's on them?" Zero asked.

The table went quiet in shock.

"You got Zero to talk!" Squid said, dumbstruck. I rolled my eyes. Zero was quiet, sure, but he talked if you would just listen.

Stanley looked up, "Yeah, they did." I looked between Stanley and Zero, wondering what was happening. How did Zero know?

I decided not to dwell on it. For now.

The next day was Stanley's first day of digging, and he already messed up.

I watched as Stanley accidentally took the shorter shovel, but it was too late for me to correct him. X-Ray yanked the short shovel from Stanley's hands and tossed a normal shovel for him on the ground.

Magnet went up to Stanley and explained. "Hey man, you picked up X-Ray's shovel. The only people who can use it are himself and Scrappy. It's shorter than the rest of them,".

"Smaller shovel, smaller hole," Squid told Stanley as if he were a small child. Then again, Stanley didn't seem so different from a little kid.

Throughout the day, the boys threw their dirt at Stanley, but today I was too tired to put up with their nonsense and make them stop.

Finally, Stanley stood up for himself and asked them to stop, only for the boys to yell at him and tell him to shut up.

All in all, Stanley had a pretty normal first day. By lunch, he had big fat blisters all over his hands and he was extremely dehydrated, which meant he was doing something right by Camp Green Lake standards.

Zero and I left a little after lunch, spitting in our holes and walking to camp while the rest of Tent D argued about what ate dirt: worms or moles. (Worms ate dirt, moles ate worms).

That night, while the rest of the boys and I were playing cards in our tent, we heard gunshots going off near the showers, where Stanley was.

"What the hell? What is Stanley doing?" I grumbled. While everyone looked up, I snuck a bad card up my sleeve and stole another card from the draw pile.

Moments later, a terrified Stanley stumbled through the door, looking dazed.

"What happened?" we asked.

"Uhm-so uh- there was a-a- yellow spotted lizard by the showers. It nearly got me but -uh-Mr. Sir shot it." Stanley explained, his voice shaking a little.

When we heard another gunshot from outside, we looked around as if the yellow-spotted lizards had crept into our tent.

"What color was its blood?" Zig Zag asked, his crazy eyes glowing.

"I don't...I don't know I couldn't tell," Stanley said, watching the ground.

"I wish I'd have seen it...BAM!" Zig Zag joked, making Stanley jump.

"If Mr. Sir didn't shoot it..." Armpit started to say.

Magnet finished it for him: "Stanley, you'd be in a hole,".

"Did you know", Zig Zag informed, "each one's got exactly eleven spots,".

"Yeah man, if you ever get close enough to count 'em," My brother dragged his hand across his neck and made a choking sound, "you're dead." I smirked.

"Look, it's the lizards we're working for man. We build their houses for 'em," Armpit said.

"Don't listen to them" I whispered to Stanley while Zero shook his head.

Armpit continued, "I mean yesterday I saw, like, 10 of them in one hole."

X-Ray, who was grumpy from loosing to me in cards, finally spoke up, "Man, we ain't diggin' for no lizards,"

"Then what we digging for, man?" Armpit argued.

Why do they say 'man' so much? I wondered.

"Like Mr. Sir said, we're diggin' to build some character," X-Ray joked, making us all laugh.

Another gunshot went off, and we all sat up. I looked quizzically at X-Ray. Either it was crawling with yellow-spotted lizards outside, or Mr. Sir wasn't so tough after all.

Guess.