See You When I See You

19 // All You Wanted

Lyla gnaws the end of her thumbnail restlessly. She's the first to arrive at homeroom, but Mr. Fitzhugh has neither acknowledged nor noticed her presence due to his usual existential preoccupations.

She glances at the blank page before her. It's been weeks since she's received or written a letter, but old habits die hard – and so with heavy reluctance, Lyla lifts the pen in her hand and begins to write.

"Dear Jo,

I've started this letter nearly ten times, and I still can't get the words right.

What happened to us? In the past three weeks, we've become strangers. This is the first year we aren't exchanging Christmas presents. Or having a movie marathon with hot cocoa. It just feels wrong, and I don't want to believe that we've come all the way to senior year only for things to end like this.

Maybe this is how it begins. Like everyone else, we'll drift apart until we become the spaces in between the lines of the stories we once shared. Except – I don't want to lose you, Josie. I just wish there was a way you could see that I am truly, truly happy with Aiden. I wish you could just accept it.

I'm sorry. For everything I said.

See you when—"

Lyla frowns and scratches out the last lines of her newly written letter.

Who is she kidding? Josie doesn't want to see her. Josie doesn't talk to her anymore. In fact, ever since their dreadful quarrel, Josie has all but written herself out of Lyla's life. Whatever warmth, kinship, affection, or history they shared has vanished as though it was never there.

Perhaps it was a phantom connection to begin with, a friendship born out of convenience rather than true affinity.

As much as she doesn't want to admit it, Lyla sought the solidity of Josie's friendship in a season where everything and everyone around her felt unpredictable and fake. Jax's teenage rebellion had exposed every fissure and weakness in her parents' marriage, leaving her abruptly shoved to the wayside. 

But when she found Josie, Lyla could forget about her own troubles and focus on healing the girl who'd lost her mother. Josie gave her a purpose and a mission. She was needed by someone. And when that purpose bled into trust and shared experiences, Lyla forgot what life was like before having a best friend. She had Josie; and that was more than enough.

Now, the ends of their friendship fray like a loose strand in a knit scarf. And it is unraveling fast.

With great frustration, she rips the page out from the notebook and balls it up into a useless wad of paper desperation.

"You could just talk to her, you know. Communication is sexy." 

Cat drops down into her usual seat in front of Lyla. She crosses her legs and inspects her emerald painted fingernails with great interest.

Lyla ignores her and crams the notebook back into her tote bag. She straightens in her chair and flicks a wild honey gaze at her curly-haired friend.

"She's made it perfectly clear where I stand in her life priorities," Lyla replies coolly.

Cat rolls her eyes with exasperation. "Just because she doesn't support your decision to get back together with him doesn't mean she doesn't still love you!"

"You don't understand," Lyla murmurs. "She was so upset when I told her, Cat. Unlike you."

Cat chuckles. "Oh, honey, there's plenty to be upset about, I just don't see the point in arguing with you about it, because it's obvious your ovaries are in control of this whole situation—"