Stories that I might make

Laughing At The Dirty Mirror

~~POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING!! Mental Health Warning because we aren't talking about cleaning in a normal way like "oh yeah I like to clean my house" or "I'm a germophobe too!" so please proceed with caution! Side note: you can all use this book to inspire art if you're an artist! Just let me know when you do cause I'd love to see it! I made this slightly as a vent but also the music I was listening to influenced it so now you all will have it too~~

Wiping the floors and doing a quick sweep of the rooms here and there; I realize that no matter what I do, nothing will change the way I feel about my situation. Silence is around me and yet its so loud I can't focus at all. The smells blend together, of rotten meat and sweat yet the bleach that I pour cannot over power it. Its too bright outside despite the dark empty space I feel in my heart. My eyes burn from the light that pours through the windows and the chemicals I cannot seem to stop pouring out from the container. My brain won't let me forget each time I mess up, it'll always be my fault and no matter how much I try to clean myself I cannot escape the filth I am covered in. I clean the rooms and my environment but it'll always get dirty again right? I can't sleep.

I scrub harder and harder. 

The paint is coming off.

Why wont it go away?

I want it to go away.

go away

g  o 

 a  w   a    y

I realize it won't leave me. No matter how much the chemicals burn. No matter how hard I try to scrub it away, no matter how loud it is, no matter how many times-

no matter

no matter-

n o   m a t t e r

....

I t ' s    s o   l o u d . . .

The memories I tried to burn away aren't leaving. There are so many. I wasn't the best, was I? I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to. No matter how much I try to change myself I'll never be perfect. 

But I have to try don't I?

I'll be better

I have to

                                      I'll be better