If Ever | Damiano David Story

Chapter 16 | The only way

22 May 2021

Vana's eyes go wide and looks at me immediately.

"Is he?" She paused "He can't be."

I am not looking at her. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want anyone to know about it. And now that Damiano's fame got so real it almost feels like I'm violating his privacy. I don't want to be that person that brags about something like that. I wish I could take back time and never speak about him.

"Speak you woman." Vana yells.

"I'm sorry Vana. I don't want to talk about it."

"What? Don't do this to me." She protests. "First you throw that bomb and now you don't want to talk?"

"It's not what you think it is."

Vana looks at me in disbelief. "Yeah, right."

"Hey that song sounds like that other song." Marsia says trying to get the attention off the subject but it doesn't seem to work.

"Whο is it?"

That makes me realize that Vana doesn't know who is he and that I didn't expose everything.

"Can we please drop it?" I ask politely. I just want to put that day to an end and go lay on my bed. Although now that I know that Maneskin are competing the competition got into a new whole level of interesting.

Vana sights raising her hands in the air. "Fine. If you want to be all secretive about it now."

15 January 2021

I opened my eyes slowly. The room was still dark. I looked to my right and found Damiano sleeping. I looked at my phone. It was 4 a.m. Why on earth was I awake in 4 a.m.? I get up quietly and try to find my sweater in the dark. I was really cold. On my attempt to find it I stumbled on the chair making a loud noise.

"What happened?" Damiano asked in a very sleepy voice.

"Sorry to wake you up. I'm just trying to find my sweater."

Damiano got up. "Are you leaving again?"

"What? No. I'm just cold." Why would he say that? I have never left in the middle of the night. Well, not with him at least.

"Here. Wear my t-shirt."

He handed it to me, and I putted it on. I felt surprising comfortable in it. It also smelled like him. I crawled back to the bed and under the blanket.

I curled up next to him. Trying to warm myself.

"You're shaking." He said while placing his hand on my forehead.

"I'm really cold." I whined.

He placed his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. I rested my head on his chest, enjoying the warmth of his body.

"So much better." I mumbled.

We stayed like that for some time. I tried to close my eyes and go back to sleep but I couldn't. I kept thinking how good it felt to be held by him. It felt very good, too good for someone who was leaving once again in the morning. And for once again I had to say goodbye to. Maybe I should have left now and avoid that part. But was I that immature?

"Damiano? Are you asleep?" I asked calmly not wanting to wake him up.

"No." He mumbled.

"Did you really think I'd leave in the middle of the night?"

He sighed. "I wouldn't be incredible shocked if you did."

I wasn't sure if I felt offended. I wanted to feel offended, but I couldn't act like I hadn't thought that it might be easier that way just some seconds ago. "Oh."

"Don't act surprised Leda. As long as I know, you always tried to avoid the uncomfortable situations and you always left when it became too real for you."

I get up and rest my back on the back on the bed. "Maybe I should."

Damiano looks at me strongly in the eyes. "No one stops you."

"It's too fucking hard, Damiano."

"Leaving or staying?"

"Both." I say and look away afraid to look at him in this vulnerable state. I feel like he will see right threw me. Tear down every wall I've tried to build.

"One must be easier. And if I had to guess..."

I look at him. "What?"

"I'd say that it's easier for you to leave."

"Why would you say that?"

"Am I not right?"

I sight. He is right. It is easier for me to leave. It's always been easier for me to leave. But this time it's different. I don't even have a choice. Leaving is the only solution.

"I though so." He says and smiles. I can see the bitterness in his smile though.

"Damiano, it's the only way."

He shrugs his shoulders.

"I'm sorry." I get up and start to gather my clothes around the room and get dressed.

Damiano gets up and walks towards me. He grabs me by my waist and kisses me, pushing me to the wall. I didn't even try to resist. He breaks the kiss but doesn't move away. "Don't leave."

"I can't." I say trying to hold my tears. "What's the point? You're going to leave in some hours anyway."

He pulls away and sits on the bed frustrated. I stay there looking at him not knowing what to say anymore.

"It's just too hard Damiano." I can feel a tear coming down my cheek, but I immediately wipe it away scared that he might see it.

He looks up at me and his face immediately softens. He gets up and hugs me. His one hand is placed on my head and the other around my waist.

"I know." He mumbles.

We stay like that for some seconds but then I pull away. I realize I'm still wearing his shirt and I find myself struggling to get out of it. I take a deep breath to find the strength and eventually I take it off.

I look at Damiano who is standing there watching me gather my stuff. It breaks my heart to see him like that. If only I could turn back time to when he came. When he walked into the bar.

"I'd tell you to text me when you leave, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

"Probably not." Damiano responded looking down.

That breaks my heart a little, but I force myself to smile. "I guess that's a goodbye then."

"If you want it to be."

"If ever, right?"

"I don't think that works anymore."

Damiano wasn't looking at me. Maybe it was for the best. I could not take his stare at the moment. Those piercing eyes looking at me. I'd break for sure. I felt too vulnerable. All I wanted to do was crawl back to the bed next to him but that was not an option. There was only one option and that was for me to leave. Leave and put that whole story behind me. I could not deny anymore that I was starting to feel something there and it was time to put it into an end. Before it got even more real and bigger and hard to let go.

I grab my bag from the chair and turn to look at him hesitantly. "Goodnight."

He looked at me without being able to hide his emotions. He was sad and mad and I couldn't stand looking at him knowing I was the one to blame. "Goodbye, Leda."

The moment I walked out the room, I couldn't hold my tears anymore. That was it.