nemesism // spencer reid angst

it's getting bad again

 Spencer felt a rush of relief when he shut the door to his apartment behind him, locking himself inside and everyone else out. He had barely muttered a goodbye to Morgan, who had driven him home after this last case. He kept his eyes on the ground the whole time because he was afraid of worrying his friend. Spencer dropped his go bag in the entryway and was beginning to head to his room when he heard a voice speak outside the door.

"You okay, Reid?" It was Morgan. Spencer knit his brows in confusion, wondering why he was still there.

"I'm fine. You can go home now, I'm okay." The monotony in Spencer's voice was disconcerting. He heard Morgan let out a sigh followed by a moment of silence.

"Are you sure? I can stay with you tonight if you need me to. I have my go bag with me." Morgan sounded almost desperate, and for a split second, Spencer wanted to let him in. That feeling didn't last very long, though.

"No!" Spencer let out a yelp, worried that he wouldn't be able to do what he needed to do if Morgan was around. He composed himself before responding in a calmer manner, "I told you I'm fine. Go home, Morgan. I can take care of myself."

"Look man, I know that was probably a hard case for you, and if you need someone to-"

"Morgan. I'm fine. It's not a big deal anymore." Spencer was beginning to lose his patience.

"Open the door."

"What?"

"I said, open the door."

"Why? I already told you everything is fine. Do you not trust me?"

"To be honest Reid, I don't. Not after everything that happened last year. Please, just open the door so we can talk face to face."

Right, everything that had happened. He was clean now, but no matter how far Spencer ran or how much progress he made, he could never escape Morgan's concerns about him relapsing with Dilaudid. He found this slightly comical considering he technically was relapsing, just not in the way Morgan would expect.

Spencer turned back around to face the door and opened it up swiftly. Morgan's eyes drifted from Spencer's face to the living room. His eyes widened in shock as he took in the mess that was Spencer's living space.

"Reid, what happened? This isn't like you at all." Morgan looked back to Spencer, meeting his gaze directly. Spencer immediately looked down so as to not deal with the uncomfortableness of direct eye contact.

"I didn't have time to clean before the last case, so I had to leave it for when we got home. It's not a big deal, I can get it fixed." Spencer didn't want his home to get so out of hand, but the chronic fatigue eating away at him made it nearly impossible to clean. His hands were clenched and knocking into his legs as he swung his arms out from his body and back. It was clear how uncomfortable and anxious Spencer was about having to deal with the disorder in the room.

"Hey kid, let's not do that." Morgan's voice dropped soothingly as he realized what was happening, "How about you let me sleep here and I can help you clean it tomorrow? It's already midnight, so it's best to wait until morning to clean it." Morgan reached out and caught Spencer's hands before they landed a harder hit to his legs.

"I- I don't- you could always come back tomorrow after you get some sleep at your place?" Spencer was losing his focus, fog overtaking his brain. He really didn't want Morgan to stay at his house, but he wasn't sure if he could convince him to leave. Morgan had been wonderful during Spencer's addiction recovery and he didn't want to push him away after everything he had done for him. Plus, the offer to have help cleaning the overwhelming mess before them was tempting.