F.L.A.W Series Book 4: SAPPHIRE

Chapter Seventeen

Saph blinked twice before looking away. Bigla siyang nakaramdam ng kaunting pagkahiya dahil sa panandaliang pagkakatulala sa binata. Ni hindi niya nga alam kung nakaawang ba ang bibig niya kanina basta't ngayon ay madiin na niya iyong isinara. Nagkunwari na rin siyang tumatanaw sa dagat habang palinga-linga upang hindi siya mahalata.

Damn, you look so stupid with what you're doing!

Pagalit niya sa sarili at saglit napapikit nang mariin upang hamigin ang sarili bago muling humarap sa gawi ni Brandt.

Nakatingin lang din sa kanya ang lalaki, pinagmamasdan siyang tila hindi alam ang gagawin. Pinag-aaralan nito ang kanyang mukha dahil mayroong nagbago roon. Kaagad niyang napansin iyon kaya naman sinikap niyang ibalik ang nakasanayan- ang walang bahid ng emosyon ang mukha.

"Still mad?" Tanong ni Lux pagkalapit. "I have nothing else to say but I'm sorry." At saka umupo sa tabi nito. "I know you're already thinking that I'm always insensitive and rude. I'm sorry for misinterpreting your gesture and judging you badly. I was used to those actions from men so I know what they really want and I thought you're just the same." Saka nilingon at nagtama ang kanilang mata. "Again, I'm sorry."

Iniwas naman ni Finn ang tingin kay Lux at bumuntong hininga nang malalim. Napakalayo ng tinatanaw at naghihintay lang ang dalaga sa isasagot nito pabalik.

"Yeah, it's hard sometimes to discern whether I am joking o telling the truth. Dahil sa pagiging gago ko at palabiro ay inaakala laging ganoon ang ginagawa o iniisip ko. I can't blame you. I was being immature and retard most of the time but I can be dead serious too if I wanted to." Biglang nagbago bahagya ang itsura nito habang nakatitig sa malayo.

"Thank you for this opportunity." Ani Saph na ikinalingon muli ng lalaki sa kanya at siya naman ang tumingin sa dagat. "Hindi matatawaran ang sayang nakikita ko sa mga mata ng mga bata. They've been through a lot, life was hard for them and this experience will help them see that they still have hope to be happy."

"There's always hope, Luxury. Everyone deserves to be happy. Naniniwala ako roon." Doon ulit nagtama ang paningin nila. "Naniniwala ako na kahit gaano kasama pa ang isang tao o kahit ano pa ang ginawa o pinagdaanan niya sa buhay, may pag-asa pa ring maging masaya, may pag-asa pa ring makamit ang kapayapaan sa puso na matagal nang hinahanap. But of course, to do that, we must first let go of the part that is holding us back. Hangga't hindi ka bumibitaw ay hindi ka makakausad. You'll be stuck forever from where you stand."

"It's easier said than done." She said and hugged her legs and rested her chin on her knees. "It's hard to let go of the guilt of the past. All the things that have happened, all the things that you've done, there were consequences and you cannot just forget that. It's hard to forget when life keeps on reminding you about it every fucking day. It's exhausting."

"Maybe because you know there's still an unfinished business that's why you can't let go. There's something that needs to be done first before you can forget about it."

"Maybe." Aniya at inanggulo lang ang ulo para maharap ang lalaki habang ganoon pa din ang pwesto niya. "May mga kailangan ngang gawin tapos nadagdagan pa. I don't know when it will end... Or if it will ever end." Napapikit nang mariin.

"I know how frustrating it feels." Napadilat muli si Saph at nakita niya ang malambot na ngiti ni Finn sa kanya. "There's no end in pain or suffering, you just have to learn how to-"

"Live with it?" Putol niya.

"No." Na umiling pa. "Surpass it. You're a fighter, aren't you? Fight through with it. Isipin mo na lang na nasa ring ka lang din at iyan ang mga kalaban mo. You just have to win against it every fucking round. Ayos lang kung babagsak ka minsan pero hindi ka dapat susuko. Babangon ka at lalaban ulit. That's the cycle you need to learn."