We Find Love

Chapter Twenty

I felt ill—I didn't know I could feel pain like this. My entire body hurt; my heart, my head, everything felt heavy, like there were stones in my body weighing me down.

When Matilda and I returned home from Italy early, the first thing we did was go back to the estate and pack my bags. Much to Jackie and Darby—And everyone else's plea. They wanted me to think it over, to talk about it, but I didn't have anything to say. I couldn't stay in the estate, I couldn't see him, or work under him. I couldn't ignore it anymore—And I knew it was a bad idea, falling the way I fell; and I know Casper told me, and many others that this wasn't the path I wanted to take, and now here I am.

Curled up on the floor of Matilda's dorm room.

"Sonny," Matilda whispers stepping slowly into the room. "I brought lunch,"

"I'm not hungry," I push out.

"You have to eat honey," Matilda says dropping on the ground, and setting a bag of what smelled like Chinese food down next to my head. "I got you your favorite! Chicken teriyaki with fried rice,"

"I can't eat—" I whisper, opening my eyes and looking over at her. Matilda frowns down at me, before starting to open the bag.

"Casper called me again—He's coming back from Italy tonight," Matilda tells me. I squeeze my eyes shut at the thought of Casper returning home—That meant everyone else was too. I haven't turned my phone on since we returned from Italy. After we put all my belongings into storage—Because I had nowhere else to go. Now it was just my one bag of carry-on clothes and my laptop for work. "Come on—Sit up," Matilda urges, she wraps her arm around my shoulder pulling me up, and I lean against her bedframe. "There she is, up and Adam! Come on!"

"It hurts," I whine.

"You're probably really hungry," Matilda says. "You have to nourish your body in order to feel better,"

"I'm never going to feel better," I pout.

"Don't say that you got over Dalton!" Matilda shakes me.

"This is different—" I whisper. "I didn't feel like this when It was over with Dalton—" I admit. Matilda unboxes the food and proceeds to start feeding me like I'm her child. She takes a bite and then feeds me a bite, and it goes back and forth until everything is gone. I felt sick, but the feeling was just replaced by numbness.

"I know it might feel like it now, but things will start feeling better," Matilda tells me. "You'll also probably feel better if you talked to someone about it—Me, Casper, someone,"

"I don't want to talk—I already know what everyone going to say," I whisper. "They all saw it happen; I was just too stupid—"

"Hey!" Matilda interrupts me. "You're not stupid, you were following your heart and there is nothing wrong with that, you cared about those kids so much; and of course, you were bound to get close to their father—Your relationship with him before getting the job was a little; weird but it was all coincidental!" Matilda spills out.

"They're going to hate me—I just abandoned them," I cover my mouth.

"Oh honey," Matilda hums, leaning forward and pulling me into a hug. I rest my head on my shoulder.

"I promised I wouldn't—" I whisper. "And I didn't even say goodbye,"

"They'll understand, not now but—They will," Matilda says rubbing my back. "Those two adored you, and they're so smart," she tells me while pulling away. "But unfortunately, this is how things have to be—"

__

"Sonny—You have a visitor," Matilda whispers. This time I woke up on her bed, I don't remember crawling into the bed, it was better than the floor. When I open my eyes, Casper is following Matilda into the room. He moves quickly to the bed and pulls me into his arms before I get the chance to register what was happening.