Night and Day (Stevens Book 11)

Chapter 8

Alistair had drawn Katherine a bath and helped her into it before retrieving the tray from Abby and serving her in the tub.

Usually, having Alistair as close as he was while she was doing something as intimate as bathing would have made her heart pound, but she was too tired to do anything but lay her head back and close her eyes as Alistair removed the tray from in front of her when she was finished.

"Let's talk about it," he insisted as he sat on the floor next to the tub and leaned his head back on the wall. He had removed his jacket and tie and rolled up his sleeves, and Katherine admired how his arms flexed as he crossed them across his chest. He was sitting at the foot of the bathtub facing her, so she had a clear view of his handsome face.

Katherine wondered what her sisters would do if they knew he was sitting with her while she had a relaxing bath.  Of all their private moments together, this was the most intimate of them all.

"What's worrying you most, besides the most obvious, which is your mother?" Alistair reached over and turned on the tap to add a bit more hot water. "Is it your father, your sisters, the house?

Katherine shook her head, they all worried her, but once her mother was gone, she knew in her heart that all those things would be gone as well, so she was done fighting for them because it was like spinning her wheels or chasing her tail for no reason.

"Those hurt, but I've given up on most of them. When I returned, I was afraid that my father would want to keep me here, but now it's clear that once Mom is gone, he wants me gone as well. I'm just not sure why."

"Do you want to know what I think?" Alistair asked, his eyes meeting hers, conveying that if he told her the truth, it would add to the hurt.

She claimed that she didn't know why her father was pushing her away, but all of the pieces fell into place as she looked at Alistair. "Money," Katherine whispered, knowing the answer. She didn't want to make Alistair say it. It wasn't fair to him. She knew that George didn't want anyone around who could potentially fight him for the money, and the girls were too young and unworldly to have a clue. On the other hand, Katherine knew how the real world worked. Perhaps that was why he never wanted her to enter it.

Perhaps he wanted to keep her as clueless and dependent as her sisters. 

"Money," Alistair agreed. "He doesn't have it yet, and I'm guessing he won't until your mother passes."

"What makes you say that?" Katherine closed her eyes at the pain of that fact. She was letting the tears escape and run hotly down her temples. It meant that he never loved Dora and had used her their entire married life. Her heart broke for her mother.

"Because he wants to invest but not until the summer." Alistair's voice was gentle.

Katherine nodded, understanding.

They were silent for a moment.

"Who exactly is Nadine?" Katherine finally asked. Needing to focus her thoughts on something else.

"You mean besides your biggest fan with stalker-like tendencies?" Alistair smiled. "She's a very shrewd woman who knows true beauty when she sees it. I bet she'd be jealous as hell that I'm sitting next to you while you're in the bathtub, naked."

Katherine lifted her head and looked at Alistair with wide eyes. "Funny, I thought the same thing about my sisters."

"That they would want to be sitting next to you while you're naked in a tub?" Alistair purposely misunderstood her to make her laugh.

"No, that they would like to be naked in a bath with you sitting next to them or vice versa." Katherine didn't laugh, but she smiled.

"How nice, but should I be worried about my physical safety? Are they likely to follow me into the bathroom?" Alistair asked with mock sincerity. "You don't have to worry about Nadine. I subtly told her to keep it in her pants." Alistair's smile turned into a grin at Katherine's shocked expression in reaction to his crude phrasing.

"I don't think you're using that phrase properly unless...." Katherine's eyes grew wide, and Alistair only shrugged.

"Sexuality is not a proper conversation for the workplace," he insisted.

"Then she works for you?" Katherine felt a little better. "She's lovely. I always wanted to be petite and well rounded instead of a skinny beanstalk."

"Yet, despite that very inaccurate description of yourself, I have always had difficulty keeping it in my pants when you're around."  Alistair let his eyes linger over Katherine's body, which the water did nothing to shield, and Katherine felt herself blushing like she always did when Alistair admired her.

Eventually, he took mercy on her and spoke. "We always want what we can't have, don't we?" It was a comment that was charged with meaning.

"Yes, until we get it, then we often don't really want it." Katherine nodded.

"Is that what you're afraid of, Katherine? That once I have you, I won't really want you?"

"Partly," Katherine agreed. "I also don't think I'll be able to measure up in your world. Your parents are the perfect earl and lady. I can't hold a candle to that." She shook her head slowly as she thought about marrying an earl.

"Do you know why we are involved in the Fosters for College program?" Alistair asked, leaning forward. Katherine had the feeling that the point he was about to make was an important one. "My mother was a foster child. Her parents died when she was very young. My grandparents and father supported the cause before they knew her. When it was discovered that she went to college because of the program, which ultimately led to her meeting my father, it became a program we could never abandon."

Alistair reached for her hand, which rested on the tub's side.

"She was born to be my father's wife and my mother, no matter her background. If you ask her, she will tell you that, in the end, that is all that matters. The rest is only window dressing. But if it helps you to agree to marry me, I'll give up the title." Alistair squeezed her hand.

"No! Then you really would grow to hate me!" Katherine surged upward out of the bath, reaching for a towel and wrapping it around her. "You don't need to change who you are. I do. I'm the one with the issues, and I know that. I just can't figure out how to deal with them." She walked into her bedroom and sat heavily on the bed.

Alistair followed her and stood across the room with his arms crossed as if it kept him from reaching out for her.

"I want to fix it all for you, Katherine. I want to handle your father, buy you this house, and hire around-the-clock care for your mother. I want to see you happy, and I would move heaven and earth to do that, but I agree with you, and I'm beginning to understand that none of the things I could do for you would help until you decide you want to be happy."

Alistair moved to the chair in the corner of the room where he had left his jacket and tie, picked them up, and then handed her a card.

"I can do this one thing for you. This is the company that will be sending a nurse to help with your mother. You have enough to pay for it. Wearing yourself out won't help you or her. The nurse should be here by now," he said, looking at his watch.

"When did you do this?" Katherine asked, looking at the card.

"There's always the time to do what you want to do," he vaguely answered as he walked toward the door.

"I'm done with putting myself out there, Katherine. It hurts too much when you push me away. If you change your mind, you can find me. But if you find me, Kathrine, you better be playing for keeps."

Katherine watched as he left, closing the door gently behind him.

Why did it feel like she had just lost him? She had never felt that before. In the past, there had always been the promise of next time.

Katherine put on her pajamas and went to check on her mother.  Sure enough, a nurse was sitting with her. She introduced herself. They all talked for a few minutes, and then there was nothing to do but go to bed.

The feeling of loss would leave when she saw Alistair in the morning. She was tired, and her brain was playing tricks on her, but this reasoning didn't keep her from crying herself to sleep.

However, the following day, Alistair was gone. He had been called away on an emergency in the night, but Katherine knew there had been no emergency.

He had meant what he said. He was done.