the mechanic and the jedi [english edition]

a new beginning

Ahsoka's PoV:

Restlessly, I wandered up and down my quarters. How could it be that I couldn't get him out of my mind? It just wouldn't let me go but most of all my thoughts revolved around the words he had said.
Because no matter how much I wanted to suppress it one thing was certain....
I wanted him.

The beeping of my comlink snapped me out of my musings.
"Ahsoka are you there?", Obi-Wan's voice rang out.
Anticipation burned inside me hoping to be sent on a new mission. Maybe then I could take my mind off Anakin....
"I hear you", I answered him directly.
"I have just spoken with Master Yoda. He suggests that you proceed immediately with Anakin's training in the force. One of the meditation rooms has been reserved for the two of you", he told me and I hung my head at the command.
"Of course, I'm on my way", I confirmed the order and had to suppress a sigh.
How was I supposed to stay away from him when I had to spend almost every free second alone with him?
In the meantime I hardly trusted myself when it came to not getting too close to him!
With the power! Earlier I would have become almost weak. When he had pressed himself against me I could hardly seize a clear thought.
Almost I had allowed that he kissed me.... I had wanted him to kiss me.
Resignedly I shook my head at myself.
I was a jedi and as such attachments were forbidden to me. Whether I wanted it or not I would never be able to be with him.
With that realization I stormed out of my quarters to the meditation rooms a few levels above the quarters.
Several elevators led to said level and I tensely tried to keep my thoughts about Anakin in check as I made my way to the reserved meditation room.
When I opened the room it took me a moment to adjust to the dim light. Small streaks of light penetrated the interior of the room leaving behind a relaxed atmosphere.
Some of these streaks of light illuminated Anakin's rear view which faced the window front of the room.
As soon as the door had closed behind me I stopped for a moment before securing the door. I hesitated only a moment before I activated the safety device anyway.
It served that the meditating jedi could not be disturbed in their rest. Accordingly no one could enter the room until the security was lifted again from inside.
When I looked up again I saw that Anakin had already turned to me. However, his face was now in shadow.
"Snips", he whispered as reverently as if he were afraid I would turn around and leave in a moment.
Instead, I stopped and couldn't move.
He now approached me and stopped just inches from me.
Our breaths mingled as I looked up at him.
Carefully, he raised his hand and stroked my cheek with his fingertips. His touch sent electrical impulses through my entire body and before I could stop myself I had already snuggled into his hand.
"I can't do this", I closed my eyes in agony and wanted to back away from him. But he wouldn't let me. Anakin overcame the last distance between us and pressed his lips to mine.
He slid his hand down my neck and bent my head back to intensify the kiss.
Maybe I should have backed away from him but....
How could something that felt so right actually be wrong!
I wished that this moment never ended.
Unfortunately, he broke the kiss before we could deepen it.
"You want me, Ahsoka. I see it in your eyes, I feel it in the force. Stop fighting it. Say it already!", he demanded in a rough voice holding my face gently but firmly between his hands.
I knew I shouldn't let him do it....
But at that moment I would have promised him anything if only he touched me again.
"I want you", I whispered making the words hang like a prayer between us.
Those three words seemed to break the chains that had held him back until now.
He let out a hungry growl before pressing his lips to mine again.
His hands wandered restlessly over my body exploring everything they could get their hands on and finally came to rest on my butt. He stroked the underside of my butt as he suddenly lifted me with a jerk. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his hips getting even closer to him.
He settled down on one of the seat cushions so that I was now sitting on his lap.
His arms pulled me so close to his muscular body that I could stroke his pecs through his tunic.
In the process I somehow found a way under his tunic. He groaned as I touched his bare skin and finally slid my hand down over his steely abs.
Gasping, Anakin again broke our kiss. His lips were swollen and his eyes were glazed with desire.
"We... We should stop doing this. Otherwise I can't guarantee anything", he growled in a low voice. Still, he didn't break away from me. Although I would have liked to keep kissing him I understood perfectly what he meant and nodded slightly not trusting my own voice right now.
Instead, I buried my hands in his soft hair and stroked through it again and again. Anakin had his head against my chest and was idly stroking my back.
"We have to keep it a secret", I whispered into the darkness after half an eternity.
I felt a nod against my chest. That was the only answer from him.
It was clear to me that I would not give up one side or the other.
Neither Anakin who had shown me completely different sides of the life nor the order which represented my calling.

I would fight for it.
For the love.
For the Jedi.
For peace in the galaxy.

~The End~