Ascension - Book Eight - Man x Man

Chapter 89

"Well, Nic, it is one of your coping mechanisms. It's how you've always dealt with being upset the entire time I've known you. The two of you have fornicated in the strangest of settings, it's how you bond and cope. It's how you show you love someone. Give him time, but also, give yourself some time to really think about why you did this. He loves you, that's most of the battle." Turning the screen to face me, he points at the round black circle. 

"That is the space."

It looked so empty, small, as he moves the probe back and forth. "That is your organs, bladder, intestine, and various other playmates that actually belong there. But that-" He freezes the screen, "doesn't. Judging by your bloodwork, and by the fact that the space looks smaller, you lost whatever was in there a few days ago. For that, I truly am sorry. But, I do feel like, given the circumstances, you should highly consider having this removed."

Watching the screen, I can already envision what it might look like, full, carrying a tiny little piece of myself. "Adriam. Didn't you once tell me you were a woman trapped in a man's body?"

Reluctantly, he nods, straightening one of his bracelets. "I often do feel that way."

"I don't feel that way. John, Tyler's father, called me a man and I've never been happier in the praise of a stranger. I've found a love in fixing things, I think I want to open my own shop and repair old cars because I love to watch Verando's face when he drives them. But this is something that has been a void in my life, I've wanted to carry a child since Penelope told me she was pregnant. All things considered, if this was your body, could you say you'd truly give it up?"

Letting his shoulders relax, Adriam runs a hand through his locks as he also turns his attention to the screen. The pale, cream-colored skin played so smoothly against the large honey eyes. His long eyelashes were still wet from the tears earlier. "Taking on a job as a medic, as a doctor, means doing what is right for the patient. This could irreparably damage your body though I don't think it will kill you. You were not meant to hold a child, it could hurt your spine, and you would have to have surgery to remove the baby, break your ribs, and damage your organs. The blood and nutrients have to come from somewhere, it could be a vital piece that damages everything."

Each reason why felt like a stab to my heart, closing my eyes, I settle back into the bed and try to reason with myself how ridiculous I was acting. 

"But." Folding his hands in his lap, he looks down at his knees as he composes the words carefully. "I can't say that I wouldn't see this as a blessing. Victor and I never adopted, not with our life style, seeing the two of you carry on with these boys and how sweet and kind they are, how happy they are beyond this trauma... it makes me regret never trying to go that route."

His words catch me off guard, I had expected more of a scolding on how damaged poor Xaiver was. "Darrius is the unicorn. Somewhere, inside him, is the spirit of the earth trying to give you some sort of reward. If this is the route you want to take, if this is what you want to do, I will support you and help you the best way that I can. But. I am not the one you have to convince."

Verando would not want another child. It wasn't my safety, entirely, that he was worried about. It was my inconsistency, my lack of ability to remain the same mentally through all the happenings. He did not see our children as well-rounded, happy boys. He was saddened by how much they had to be held back, how little they got to play with other children, and how sheltered they had to be due to who Darrius was. 

We'd talked about school, yet we had to keep moving and that would have been impossible. Besides the fact that magical schools were few and far between, it was not safe to send him to any public schools. With how much Verando traveled for work, staying in the same place would mean allowing him to go off by himself while we remained behind. The children seemed as unwilling to do that as I was, we were his pack and he was our Alpha.