Falling Petals (songkim; completed)

c h a p t e r t w e l v e .

Rose Tattoos
Chapter Seven

Past.
After writing a chapter of a novel I'm working, or after reading a page of any book, or after watching an episode of whatever series,
I sometimes find myself looking back at the past...
At those times when I haven't met you yet.
And I don't know now how I could do it then.

How dare my past self smile when I haven't seen your smiling face yet?
How dare my past self laugh when I haven't heard your jokes yet?
How dare my past self ever think he's happy when you aren't in my life yet.

Those times...
I never want to go back to them again.
A life without you is a life I refuse to imagine.
So let's not return to those times.
Let's never be strangers.
Let's never be apart.

"So you got back together?" Seungyoon asked him.

Jinwoo nodded. He felt sorry to his friend. He left him in the dark too. But that day, he already told Seungyoon everything.

Seungyoon and he goes way, way back. They were childhood friends, and neighbors before Jinwoo's family migrated to Japan. He treated him more as a family member than a friend.

"How do you feel right now?"

Jinwoo was taken aback with his friend's question. Before answering, he paused and really thought about the right answer. He felt his chest, seeming to search his answers there and he was right to do that. "I'm happy."

Seungyoon grinned. "Then that's all that matters. I'm sure Seunghoon will say the same, Jinwoo. We only want you to be happy so whatever decision you make, we won't judge you. We'll support you wholeheartedly."

Jinwoo felt like he was going to tear up. And all his second thoughts in his situation melted like that. "So..." He smiled teasingly. "How's married life?"

And he could have sworn he saw sparkles suddenly shining in Seungyoon's eyes. "It's the best. Waking up with his everyday is the best feeling, I recommend it like one hundred percent." His friend even giggled.

Jinwoo can't help but laugh out loud. "Wait, wait," he said as he calmed himself. "Where's the Kang Seungyoon who told me that even if Lee Seunghoon is the only guy remaining in this planet, he's never gonna date him still?"

It was Seungyoon's turn to laugh. "That was all in the past. Now, if you give me a hundred hot guys, I'd ignore them. I have the hottest husband you know."

"Okay, stop. No TMI please, you're both my friends and honestly you, two, being married now still gives me goosebumps sometimes."

Seungyoon, with a smile still lingering on his lips, held Jinwoo's hand. "Let me tell you one thing I've learned with Seunghoon."

Jinwoo slightly nodded.

"Past is past, Jinwoo. We hated each other so much before but look at us now." Seungyoon was looking at his eyes intently. "Sure I don't know how much pain Mino has caused you but if you still love him, then I think your love for him is greater than the pain. I think our past is excess baggage, we can drop it to carry something else. And maybe that something else is much, much better than the past."

"Hey, why are you being sappy?" Jinwoo wiped his tears with his free hand. "Is that a side effect of being married."

"Maybe." Seungyoon chuckled. "But I'm sure you got what I'm saying."

Jinwoo nodded. "Thank you, Seungyoon. And you know what I'm so happy for you and Seunghoon. I'm happy that you're both my friends too."

"Even if you get goosebumps sometimes? I mean just don't imagine us in bed."

"Hey!"

The customers in the restaurant they were in stared at them for the nth time. The two were always laughing out loud, they might have forgotten they were in a pubic place.

Every story has a painful part.
But beyond that is the beautiful part that makes it a story worth telling.

Jinwoo smiled as he read what seemed to be the description of the novel his boyfriend was working on. It sounded like their story, but it wasn't their story. Mino told him the plot before he began writing it.

Jinwoo was about to scroll down more when he felt arms enveloping him.

They were in Mino's house. It was his first night there, he just moved earlier that day! Mino told him he should have done that in the past too, he shut his boyfriend up with a kiss and by saying they agreed to forget the past after.

He felt warmth being inside Mino's arms. "Don't read that yet, it's still too rough. I'll let you see it when it's readable."

Jinwoo turned the swivel chair to face his boyfriend. "Did I tell you?"

"Hm?" Mino stared at him with a confused look.

"I read Rose Tattoos again. And Poems For You."

His boyfriend grinned. "I thought no more talking about that past?"

Jinwoo rolled his eyes, Mino was ruining the moment. "Hear me out just this once, okay?"

"Hm."

Jinwoo stood up and took both of Mino's hands. "I'm sorry. All these times, all I was thinking is I loved you too much. I forgot the fact that you're just the same. I let my world revolved around you, and you, almost all of your works are about me."

He chuckled when his boyfriend frowned, bit his lip, and actually tear up.

"Hey." He stepped closer to him, let go of his hand to wipe his cheeks. "No crying."

But instead of doing that, Mino started sobbing. He pulled him and hugged him.

"Ah, such a crybaby." As he was saying that, Jinwoo can feel his own tears falling too. "Thank you, Mino," he managed to say. "For all the love you've given me and still have for me."

"No. I should be the one to thank you. Thank you for coming back to me."

Jinwoo cried more. He had to because his heart was filled with emotions, he had to let them out. Mino was about to let go but he held onto him more.

"Let's stay like this a bit more."

"Can I talk about the past too? One last time."

That made Jinwoo let go. He looked at Mino's crying face. "Ah, we both look like a mess."

This time, it was Mino who took his hands. "I'm sorry, Jinwoo. I messed us up so badly. I made you feel that you aren't worth it." Mino was tearing up again.

Jinwoo squeezed his hand, and nodded slightly to allow him to talk more.

But Mino shook his head. "I... I'm so sorry." And he was sobbing again.

He chuckled to that. "You don't have to say it, Mino, if you can't."

"But I want to, I really want to."

"Next time. Whenever that will be, when you're ready, and whatever that is you wanted to say, you can just tell me then. Okay?"

He felt like Mino's nod was very hesitant.

"It doesn't matter anyway."

Mino raised his head and looked at him. He didn't know why he was bowing while trying to say what he wanted to say. Yet Jinwoo knew, he knew what Mino wanted to tell him is the answer he was searching for three years. Why didn't he chase him?

"It doesn't matter now," Jinwoo repeated. Not only for Mino, but to himself. He was convinced that Mino had a valid reason, and he can also see that Mino can't tell him yet.

He crossed their distance and kissed Mino's lips lightly.

"You're worth it." It was a whisper, but he heard it.

"And you are worth it, too."