"If you didn't do what you did then none of this would have happened!" I screamed and fought against him.
"I would still have them! It's your fault!!" I sobbed, punching him in the chest as hard as I could.
Colby didn't move.
He just let me hit him as I absolutely lost myself.
"This is all your fault." I sobbed causing him to pull me into a hug, holding the back of my head protectively.
He didn't say anything. He just let me sob into his bare chest as he rested his cheek on my head.
Everything was moving so fast. This time yesterday I had my siblings with me and I was sober.
Now I was standing in my ex boyfriend's embrace, sobbing over the loss of my siblings right after relapsing for the first time in years.
I was a fucking mess.
I sobbed in his arms, letting him hold me for a while before I pulled away, wiping my eyes.
"Are you done?" He asked as I clenched my jaw.
"Fuck you." I said then looked around for my clothes so I could leave. "Julia, wait." Colby said with a sigh.
"Why should I?" I asked and looked up at him, grabbing my dress which was folded on the dresser.
"You know it's dangerous at night here. Just stay until the morning." He said as I stared at him.
He had the same unbothered look on his face as before, but there was something under the surface.
Possibly regret.
"Fine." I said and put the dress down. "I'm serious about not having any pills so don't go rummaging through my shit." Colby said as I rolled my eyes.
"Where are the ones that I had in my car?" I asked and crossed my arms.
"I don't know. You don't need them." He said then turned to go back out to the living room.
"How long have you been on a bender for anyways? Couldn't be more than two weeks unless you were high when you saw me." Colby said and sat on the couch.
"I don't know if that's any of your business." I said as he groaned.
"Alright. If you're gonna be an immature little bitch then you can sleep on the balcony." Colby said as my jaw clenched and I stood up.
"Fucking fine." I said then went to leave again. "God damn it, Julia. Why are you such a pain in the ass?" He asked as I whipped around.
"Me a pain in the ass?! What about you and your fucking power trip!?" I yelled angrily.
"You break up with me with a fucking letter and flee the god damn state after I took a bullet for you only for me to never see you again and now you want to get answers from me?!" I asked as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"It was for the better. Can't you understand that?" Colby asked as I shook my head.
"No. I can't understand that, Colby. Do you have any idea what I've been through?" I asked, feeling the old feelings coming back.
"You get to have your siblings and you get to live a normal life. I saw your house, it's nice. Better than what you had growing up." Colby said as I shook my head.
"Got." I said as a sharp pain filled my chest. "What?" He asked as my eyes watered.
"Got to have them. And it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows either. Having a nice house doesn't guarantee happiness. I've been in Hell since you left." I said causing his face to drop slightly.
"Tell me what happened." He said as I shook my head.
"No. You don't get to know anything else about me because after tonight, we're done. You're gonna leave me alone and I'm going to get back to the shit show that is my life." I said then stood up.
"Jules." Colby said as I clenched my jaw. "You don't get to call me that." I snapped then went into the bedroom, closing the door.
I wanted to open up to him and tell him about all the shit I have been through.
I knew he would probably be able to help but the idea of that scared me.
I couldn't have him getting closer. I couldn't allow old feelings to rise up because he could easily break me again.
I have already relapsed and seeing him could actually trigger a bender.
I couldn't let myself fall down that slippery road but I could already feel myself slipping.
I could feel the ugly monster that was addiction rearing its ugly head.
I could feel myself wanting to open up and fall into bad habits with Colby.
Part of me would be content staying here with him until I could get back on my feet, but I couldn't do that.
I had to be strong and leave him before we got in too deep.
He already brought me to his house and took care of me, but that was too much. We couldn't do this to each other again no matter how shitty the circumstances were.
It broke my heart knowing that he thought what he did was for the better.
If only he knew the actual shit I have been through, then maybe he wouldn't have done it at all.
It didn't matter though, because after tonight we had to be done.
We had to be done whether we liked it or not.
