miss misery; percy jackson²

𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

he asks himself again, why?

why did he always have to suffer?

the man chokes back a sob, holding a silver pendant close to his chest. he rubs his thumb over the intricate design of the rose, the metal cool against his skin. his fingers feel numb and he feels the pendant slipping from his grip.

can he let go?

can he let go of her? can he let go of the laughter-filled memories, the warm feeling of home? the smell of honey, the softness of her hands. can he let go of the touch of her lips?

he opens his hand, where the rose rests on his palm. a tear drips from his eye, falling onto the charm. how can he describe how he feels?

he's trapped in the endless cycle of mourning, trapped in a robotic-like daily routine. it's been six years. six whole years since her death, but he can't let go. why?

because letting go of someone you love more than yourself is impossible. percy is only beginning to realize he can't simply let her go.

but six years is a long period of time—even annabeth and valerie have moved on. it's suffocating when everyone in your life has moved on, except you. everyone has pushed the trauma to the back of their minds, focusing on their promising future. but what future does percy have? he disappeared after the giant war. he retired to his parents' house, spending his days laying in his bed and thinking about her.

tears slip from his eyes again, a silent plea for this to stop. to wake up from this tormenting dream and be safe in her arms.

she is gone.

he has to accept that she is gone, because she won't come back. reality is harsh, like being pulled outside to the freezing weather from a cozy home. ignoring reality won't benefit him.

he feels like he is powerless, a disposable pawn on the chess board. what is he to the fates? what is he to the world?

a cry of laughter comes from the world below, jolting him out of his thoughts. he glances out the window, seeing estelle and his parents—his family—laughing together, chasing each other around the truck. a small smile forms on his face. he knows the answer to the question he never knew he was asking himself all along.

with one last tearful look, he slides a slip of paper out of his pocket. he slowly walks to the kitchen and opens the cabinet to the left, reaching inside until a small compartment in the wall pops open. he opens his palm to see the pendant and the paper one last time—and let his tears fall as he gently places them inside. the sound of the cabinet door shutting is like closure.

percy is letting go. he accepts that she isn't coming back. he knows she wouldn't want him to spend his days in misery, ignoring the world as he remembered her. he takes a shaky breath and walks to the door, abruptly stopped before he exited.

"thank you, sri. thank you for the best two years of my life. i love you. you'll always have a special place in my heart."

the words float in the air, a last message to the invisible ghost. wiping the tears from his eyes, percy carefully shuts the door. as the key locks the door shut, he feels like a weight has been pulled off his chest.

percy is ready to move on. he is ready to find happiness in his family, in his friends. he's ready to reconnect with everyone in his life. he's ready to watch his little sister grow up, to be there for her when she has trouble. he's ready hang out with his friends like the old days, to support them no matter what. he's ready to immerse himself back in the world of livelihood.

although she is invisible, in the apartment, serena tanaka smiles as a small tear rolls down her cheek.

dear serena,

it's been six whole years since your death. i miss you more than anything, but when will this end?

annabeth and val are happy in new rome, already engaged. everyone at camp is settling down, living a peaceful life.

i've missed so much of stella's childhood. she's already seven now. you would have loved her.

even drew is doing well. i talk to her sometimes, since we're the only people who were really close to you.

this week, mom and paul decided to move. i know why, but i still find it hard to accept. we've have so many memories here, you and i. so much laughter, so much happiness and pure joy. they want me to move on.

i know this is what you want. i know you don't want me to live like i have for the past six years. i love you more than anything, serena. i don't want to forget you.

but i think drew has taught me a few things. that we don't have to forget by moving on.

you'll always be in my heart, serena. i'll always love you as i did all those years ago.

thank you for everything. i owe you more than i can repay, but this is the least i can do.

i'm letting you go. let your wings spread out. fly like the angel you are, your honey-like voice echoing as you glide to a new life.

love,

percy