Tòiseachadh ùr ~Outlander~

¤Chapter eighteen¤ Skye

I was back at Wentworth. Even in my dreams I smelled the rotten odour that hangend there and all I saw was myself pressed against the wall and Jamie struggling to get to me while he was still chained to the ground.
"Are you watching?" Randall asked Jamie and saw myself I fighting against him.
"Stop!!!!" Jamie screamed and Randall turned around.
"Made me a better offer." Randall spoke.
"Have me," Jamie said and immediately let me go. "Let her go and A won't struggle."
"Jamie no," I cried. "Please no," Even in my dreams I still felt the pain I felt that day.
"I want prove of your loyalty," Randall spoke. "Lay your hand on the table."
Jamie did as told and laid the ruined on the table.
"Jamie no!" I heared myself cry out once more and Randall placed his hand tighter around mine throat.
"Silence her, or I would," Randall threathend.
"Skye please," Jamie tried to sush but I heared the fear in his voice.
Jamie breathed out in pain and reached out for me, I immediately fell on him clutching myself as a baby chimp on his back, crying.
Randall bended down and took a nail out of a piece of wood.
"No, no!"

"NO!" I sat up straight and on that same moment the frontdoor flew open.
"GREER!?" Jamie' voice rang through the hallway and I heared him first peak into the room Lord John laid in.
"She is in the other one Jamie." Lord John said with a rough voice.
Jamie then barged into my room and looked at me.
"Mò Ghràdh." He said softly and then quickly sat next to me and took me into his arms.
For some reason I felt the scar in his left hand on my back and the tears kept streaming down.
"Urr ye okay? Whit happend? urr ye hurt?" He asked in one breath as he kept stroking my back.
I sat a bit back and looked at him
"Wentworth." I managed to bring out and his face grew paler.
"Black Jack is death Skye." He sushed. "He is death."
I only nodded and Jamie looked worried.
"Tell me aboot it. How come did ye dream aboot it?" Jamie tried to let me talk but I shook my head.
"No, not now." I whipped the tears away. "I should check on Lord John."
"Eilidh is wi' him. Yi''ll need rest." He placed a blanket around me.
"The children." I said.
"They're braw 'n' fleet asleep. Micheal keeps an eye oan thaim." He said and I took a deep breath.
"Stay with me tonight." I managed to say and he looked towards the other room. "Please Jamie. Stay with me."
He gave in and helped me down on the bed again and placed his arms around me, pressed me against his chest and we didn't say a word about it for now.

"I must beg your forgiveness." It was the first thing Lord John had said to me this morning and judging by the sun it was already almost Midday. "My lack of discretion, it... pierces my very core."
I pressed my lips together. "You where very ill."
"Still it's no excuse. But you where wrong." He finally looked at me. "Knowing you have Jamie, and I never will, is not that which grieves me."
"What is it then?" I set my mug down.
"It's a truth to which I am reconciled." He took a breath. "It's witnessing the satisfaction on your face that wounds me." He looked through the window. "The tought that he hold you last night to comfort you and that he is doing that every night. Wounds me. I could never give that to Isobel."
"You gave Isobel probably much more." I tried.
"But I could never gave her happiness. Simply because I was not born the right person for her."
Suddenly the sound of laughter came from outside and I heared Jamie yell something.
Lord John looked outside. "It's hard to be here and see him with you. But the thought off keeping William away from his true father pains me even more."
"You are a good father John." I laid my hand on his. "But I must know. Do you still have feelings for Jamie?"
"I do." Tears formed in his eyes. "Yes. God help me."
I sat next down to him on the bed. "You said you have nothing of Jamie. You were wrong. Jamie trusted you with his son and believe me. For Jamie to trust somebody that much is the greatest honour a man can get."
Lord John smiled a bit. "Thank you."
He knew that was my way to say that he was forgiven. All though there was nothing to forgive him after all. He was a man born in the wrong time and he choosed to fell in love with the person that never could repay that love.