Flower Girl | h.s.

42.

Daisy

"So, what are we doing all of this for again?"

Cara's eyes move to the half filled box that sits next to me, but I can tell that she's referring to the amount of already filled and taped up boxes that sit over in the corner. 

I'm sorting through some of the books tonight that have lined the tops of my shelves; they've collected dust incredibly since I haven't been around as much. Each one seems like one I should probably donate, but the vision of a library in my own had been instilled in me since I was little-- I just loved the look of it too much to let books go.

She's standing in the doorway, taking her vision over what's going on around my room. The cocktail in her hand looks fairly full as she moves it to take a sip.

"I don't think I'm going to be able to get into my own place until I can work for a bit to get some savings, so I'm trying to move all of my things to Harry's in the meantime." I tell her, for I think the fourth or fifth time that week. Something about the concept just didn't seem to stick with her, but that's what made me love her in the first place.

It had been a while since I had been around the apartment for longer than a few days or really spent any time with my friends the past few months. Between them going to work and school, spending a majority of my free time with Harry, I had started to feel like that time had been taken from us. 

Since the therapy session with Harry last week, I felt that we needed a bit to comprehend what we had talked about. We needed time to focus on ourselves, which was what I had been trying to do.

For me, that meant that I had needed to start to focus on the people that were in my life. Cara and Lace had always been there for me, even when we weren't together or speaking everyday– they were always there to support me when I didn't want to go out, and I wanted to spend my nights in.

Focusing on packing up the apartment had been the last week of my life– that, student teaching, and school had really been the main focus. Although college was closing its chapter in my life, a lot of my last classes had been focusing on graduation and finals, I had been trying to be in a separate mindset for that to be final.

On top of it, I had been in the middle of packing my room with all of my items. While I had until the end of March to be out of the apartment, I needed to work for a few months to get enough to really solidify a place. 

Sarah, Lace's friend, had decided to move in for a few months to help with rent and she had started to look for a place so that she could house the band's instruments. Harry told me that I could store my items in his basement while I looked for the perfect place that I could call my own. 

I wasn't super interested in a roommate this time around, so the idea of trying to find a place for myself was a bit nerve-wrecking.

It would be temporary, but living with Harry for a few months would give us time to be able to work on us in a more domestic way, but also knowing that this was only for the time being. I felt that was significant for our relationship to understand the boundaries we could learn to set with each other.

I still needed time to be able to figure out myself, even if staying with him for a bit seemed like a big move. There would be a time when I was by myself, I just needed that to discover parts of me that hadn't been able to flourish yet.

"Can you believe it?" Cara breathes out a laugh as she moves to sit next to me on the ground, "We're literally moving on– like, you're moving out, even though it's a bit sooner than expected. It feels like senior year just started."

I clear my throat, trying to not get emotional about the idea of leaving and growing up too soon.

"It's so crazy– like, Lace is going to be a real therapist," I laugh a little bit at the thought as Cara leans against my bed frame and bites on her lip slightly, "Maybe I should ask her for some advice."