Flower Girl | h.s.

26.

Harry

"Lottie, you're doing it wrong! Stop!"

"I want to decorate now!"

"Okay, give it to me–"

"No, Harry, it's gotta go up a little bit, babe. They're too low."

This is exactly how decorating the Christmas tree went every year, except this time, Daisy was in on telling me how to do it. I huffed as I pulled the lit garland up, a bit taller than anyone else could reach.

    "Does that look okay?" I ask, turning around to see Daisy, Lottie, and Brooks staring at me to tell me if everything was going to their liking. Fortunately, it seemed that they were all on the same page, but there was always something wrong with that way that I did it.

Daisy turned to look at me, a bit of a nonchalant shrug crossed her shoulders as she looked over at me.

"I think it's okay now. It'll be great once everything is on it– it just looks a bit bare now with just the garland."

Lottie went to start picking up the stockings that sat in the box that I had carried from storage downstairs, full of holiday decorations and miscellaneous things that we had collected throughout the years.

Brooks shrugged his shoulders as he looked at Daisy, "I'm going to decorate my way now."

I step away from the tree, going towards the box with decorations that Brooks is scavenging through, helping him unpack a few bulbs and sparkly ornaments.

The kids had returned from England a week ago now, which meant that it was our usual time to start decorating for Christmas. They liked having the decorations up for a while, as they got to enjoy them for a few weeks, and it had started to become a tradition to do it the first weekend of December.

The holiday spirit had started to feel a bit more this year than prior years, and I couldn't really understand the feeling. Almost like there was a sense of family– a sense of togetherness that I hadn't really felt before, but I had been quite excited to start this tradition. The kids had been really into wanting to do activities together recently, which I felt was a bit off their character-- especially when it came to Lottie.

Of course, the kids had made sure that Daisy was a part of it this year– and I wasn't going to deny them that. I wanted Daisy to be a part of it, too. It felt right, it felt like she kept us glued together.

"I just realized something," Lottie turned towards us as she hung up the third stocking above the fireplace, "We're going to have to get Daisy a stocking now."

A bit of this worried me, underneath all of the happiness and smiles; the fun dinner conversations and times that Daisy was there for breakfast before school runs. She'd be there to help with homework, she was there to help drop off kids at practice. Daisy had made her way into our lives, into our routine so quickly– without any of us ever being able to take a step back and realize how quickly it happened.

There wasn't a conversation with the kids about it, there wasn't a moment where I stopped to think that maybe this wasn't what I wanted. It had always been my dream to find someone that fit in so smoothly and undeniably– dreams didn't come true, not like this.

Daisy was making a permanent spot in our world. I was always anticipating the downfall of it all, but I hadn't realized how cemented she had become because I was just waiting for it to end. Lottie's words make my brain race at the thought of Daisy being there next Christmas. And the one after that.

And all of the Christmas' after that.

Or, there would be a moment where I'd have to throw away the stocking– burn it, probably, so that I didn't have to think about it if she ever left us.