Why am I afraid? | Seongjoong

Beginning of the End | Epilogue

| 5 years later

~Seonghwa~

I was so stressed, I felt like I was going to explode. Sit at the dining room table, I was waiting for my husband to come home. I had all the documents place on the table, my hands were shaking even when I tried to stop them from doing so. Hongjoong is supposed to get home from work at any moment. In his text, he said he'd be there in two minutes two minutes ago.

We've been married for two years now, right after we both graduated. Those years were magical, just the two of us together. Plus we still have the same group of friends so it was perfect. I just feel like it's not enough anymore, I need something else, something more. I hope he's going to be understanding, hopefully he will be happy about it. What do I do if he refuses?

Hearing the bolt of the front door unlocked, I immediately stood up. "Hongjoong, you're home!" I approached him as he was taking off his shoes. "Let me help you with your coat." I remove it from his shoulders and hung it on one of the coat racks.

"Are you okay? You seem nervous tonight." He placed one hand on my cheek, gently caressing it with his thumb.

"Oh, your hands are cold." I took both his hands on mine to warm them up. He softly smiled at me.
"Can you come with me for a second? I have to talk to you about something really important." I asked, trying to hide how anxious I was. He simply nodded and interlocked our fingers, then motioned me to lead him.

Arrived in the living room, I indicated him a seat. "What are those?" He frowned, letting go of my hand.

"That's what I need to talk to you about." I calmly said. I sat down and looked at the papers. "I've been thinking about it for a while now and I think it's the best for us right now."

"Are you..." He paused, a shock look on his face. He seemed distraught. "Do you want a divorce?"

"What?! No!" I quickly shouted. I rushed towards him and hugged him tight. "Oh my gosh! No, never! I'm so sorry I made you think that. I absolutely don't want a divorce!"

He delicately rubbed my back. "It's okay, baby. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions, I'm sorry. So tell me, what are all of those papers?"

"Alright!" I went back to my seat on the opposite side of the table. I took the documents and showed them to Hongjoong. "I know I've been hiding it from you but I didn't want to create false hopes. I worked hard on this dossier to be as perfect as possible and it had finally been accepted."

"Seonghwa, I don't quite understand what you mean. It's just looks like Law stuffs to me." He was clearly lost reading the papers I've prepared.

"To translate, it means we can welcome a new member into our family."

"Those are adoption papers?!" He literally jumped from his seat and screamed. I slowly nodded, a smile growing on my face. He put a hand on his mouth and fell on his knees.

"Joongie!" I kneeled down in front of my man. He swiftly got closer to me, put his hands on the back of my neck and pressed his lips against mine, tears of joy rolling down his face.

"Is it true? Seonghwa, that's incredible! Are we going to have a baby?" He kissed me again frenetically.

---

Today was the day we arranged an appointment with the adoption agency to go get our baby. I've only seen him in pictures, he is an adorable baby boy with big curious eyes. His name is Minjae, Hongjoong and I love this name.
With my husband, for the last two weeks, we've prepared the house to welcome a 6-month old baby, buying every single item, toy and equipment we thought we needed and at least a hundred diapers to start with.

As we past the front door of the orphanage, the stress was growing inside my chest. I firmly held Hongjoong's hand in mine. He took a moment to hug me and gently rub my back. "We got this." Hongjoong softly said and I nodded, staring at him terrified. I was so scared something changed and we couldn't adopt the baby, our baby.

A nurse welcomed us. After showing her all the papers, she checked with her superiors and asked us to follow her. Hongjoong did all the talking, I couldn't even open my mouth. She leaded us to a small room. White walls, parquet floor, the navy blue curtains were closed. There were 6 white cradles, 3 on both sides, line up against the walls. The nurse signaled us to stay silent and walked to the last little bed next to the window.
"Here is your baby." She joyfully whispered. "I'm gonna let you have a moment and I will come back."

I watched her leave before turning back towards the cradle. I squeezed Hongjoong's hand but this time he removed his hand and gently rubbed my back to reassure me, lightly pushing me towards the cradle. "Go ahead." He whispered.

I approached and laid my eyes on a beautiful little boy. He was sleeping in a white baby sleeping bag, wearing a light purple onesie. I wanted to take him in my arms and hugged him but I was scared to wake him up. He looked so peaceful, I couldn't bother him.
Hongjoong walked to the other side of the cradle and watched the baby with me. "He is so cute. He kinda looks like you."

I grinned and put a finger on my lips to indicate Hongjoong to stop talking. I murmured. "Ssshh. You're going to wake him up."

The baby began to slowly move and he opened his eyes. Two big curious eyes just stared at Hongjoong and I. After a couple of seconds, he cutely smiled and opened his arms. A wave of emotion went through me. I was so happy to finally meet my child. I took him in my arms and kissed his forehead. The baby giggled as I gently patted his belly.
Hongjoong came closer and carefully put his arms around me, pressing his forehead against mine, the baby between us still in my arms.
I gently wiped a tear falling down his cheek and simply whispered.
"Let's go home now."

-Fin-