Why am I afraid? | Seongjoong

Chapter VIII : The First Talk

~Seonghwa ~

After dinner, I said good night to everyone and went back to my room. I felt so tired from all the work I did today.
Soobin made me study a lot and it was hard because I quite didn't understand half of the stuff. He is always so nice but when it comes to Law and studies he's really harsh on me. It was one of the reasons we are not together anymore, sometimes I felt like I wasn't smart enough. I can accept to be in second place because studies are top priority but I was almost like the third wheel in my own relationship.

I laid down on my bed in the dark, my face buried in my pillows.
Something or rather someone was keeping me awake and his name was Kim Hongjoong. He came home earlier than usual, actually cleaned the room and even ordered food for all of us. My heart beating faster in my chest, maybe he did it for me. My cheeks went bright red at that thought.
I was lost in my thoughts when I heard footsteps behind me. "Seonghwa are you asleep?"

I responded with a grunt. "No but tired."

"Is it okay if we talk?" He asked shyly.

I immediately stood up, facing Hongjoong. He finally wants to address the situation. My heart was pounding in my ears. "Absolutely. Here sit." I patted the spot next to me. I don't know if I was more nervous, stressed or excited. This conversation could go great or extremely wrong. So I waited for him to start, a little bit too impatiently.

"Alright, I don't know how to start." He took a deep breath. "First, I'm sorry for avoiding you all week. Maybe more than a week? Two weeks? I don't remember, it just felt like an eternity.
Hum... Let's just say I was confused about what I did, well, what we did the night of the exam's results."
I blushed at the reminder, turning my gaze off of him for a second.
He continued. "I'm sorry for literally jumping on you that night. That doesn't mean I regret it. I don't regret kissing you but I should have waited for us to be sober or maybe check more if you were okay with that, think about our friendship because I'm scared I destroyed it."

He started to panic. His hands were shaking so I took them in mine. As I interlocked our fingers,
I calmly talked. "Hongjoong, look at me. It's okay. I wasn't in my normal state either, we both are grown men and I agreed, I was a consenting adult. You aren't the only one to blame if all went terrible."

"Do you regret?"

"Absolutely not. I stopped you before we could do something we'd probably have regretted. Our first time can't be under the influence of alcohol." I answered with a wink. "I don't regret the kisses and the overwhelming desire for more. I'm sober right now and honestly, if I could kiss you I will."

Hongjoong stared at me, his eyes wide open. He mumbled looking down at my lips. "Really?"

I gently put my hand on his cheek. I wanted to tell him how I felt, but I was scared he'd panic and run away from me.
He slowly placed one hand on my waist, leaning towards me. Following his actions, I made the last move and kissed him.
He moved his arm around my waist, his grip holding me firmly against him. He laid me down on the bed, on top of me, between my legs, still kissing me. My hands traveled on his body, from his cheeks to the back of his neck, to rest on his chest.

We kissed without thinking. It was almost normal even if it happened only once before and the fact that we avoided each other right after for almost two weeks. Like his lips naturally belonged on mine. I felt his tongue against my bottom lip asking for entrance. I let him deepen the kiss, until we were out of breath. I lowered my hands down his back.
My desire for him is so selfish but I want to be able to kiss him every day.

I'll make him mine.

The only issue is that I need him to be on the same page as me. Kissing is great but it doesn't get things done and we really need to clarify the situation. "Wait, we were supposed to talk!" I giggled pushing his face away.

"Right. Talk..." He cleared his throat. "What were we talking about?"

I stared at him which made him confused. "What?" He said, looking like a lost puppy.

"You're still on top of me. I can't concentrate." I whispered, trying to hide the redness on my cheeks.
He simply took off his arm around my waist, this small touch making my body shivered. We both sat, ending this short but magical moment.

He started again. "I think we both agree that going back to our previous relationship is not an option." I was already relieved by his words, the stress not completely gone. I nodded as I already knew what I wanted.
"So Seonghwa, I turned everything over in my head and I came to a conclusion. We should try."

"Try? You're serious?" It was an electroshock. "In all honesty, I thought you were going to say that we should stay like this, no commitment or anything." An euphoric feeling traveled through my body, I was so happy I wanted to scream. I tried to act like I was unaffected, I couldn't help but to smile.

"I mean it's not like we're already boyfriends but I wanted to ask you if you..." He took a second, finding his words. "If you wanted to go on a date with me?"

Second electroshock.

"YES!" I literally screamed. "I mean yes, of course! Yes! When? I can't tomorrow and the day after because I have to work again but whenever you want. Every day, all day!"

"Since it's Wednesday, let's just plan it during the weekend." He replied, blushing.

"I agree. So it's settled. We'll talk about the rest later." I ended the conversation before he could change his mind. "Now, let's just go to sleep."
He then proceeded to stand up and headed towards the door. Is he really going to sleep outside of our room again? I don't think so, Sir!
I grabbed his wrist, pushing him next to me, forcing him to lay down on my bed. "You are sleeping in a real bed tonight! Not on the couch!"

He didn't protest. Hongjoong seemed to be frozen, completely immobile, staring at the ceiling. I covered our bodies with the blanket. I lightly pecked him on the cheek, happy I had him all for myself. Putting my head on his chest, I could hear the fast and loud beating of his heart, and closed my eyes.
I wish we would talk more about our relationship during or after the date.

I couldn't fall asleep since I knew he would probably be gone when I woke up. I tried to not care because I just wanted to be with him, hug him and feel the warmth of his body against mine.

To be continued...

Jung Wooyoung
• 20 years old
• 2nd of Dance studies with Yeosang
• wants to be a professional dancer but also a choreographer and dance teacher

Me after this chapter...