Why am I afraid? | Seongjoong

Chapter XVI : The Party (Part. 2)

~Hongjoong~

I drank what was left in my paper cup. Maybe a little too quickly, my head began to turn.
"Why did you leave?" Seonghwa grabbed my arm, making me face him. He is so ethereal, wind in his white hair, eyes staring at me, my heart beating in my ears. It felt like I was in a movie, time stopped around us. This moment would have been perfect if it wasn't for me being crazy selfish.

"You want me to be honest?" I couldn't turn away from his gaze. I wanted him to look at me, always.

"Yes." He firmly stated, holding my arm tighter with determination to prevent me from escaping once again.

"I was jealous, okay? It made me so angry seeing his arms around you." I tried to contain my rage. He was looking at me with pity eyes, like he was begging me to do or to say something. "Don't look at me like that. I know, I know I can't be mad. You can do whatever you want with whoever you want but I can't help it."

He just hugged me. Nothing more, nothing less. His arms around my neck, his forehead placed between my neck and my shoulder, looking at the ground. I wrapped my arms around him too, clenching on his back with my hands like my life was depending on it. His eyes were closed when he cupped my face in his hands and pressed his forehead on mine for a couple of seconds. He moved his hands to my neck, opened his eyes but simply let go. Steps backwards, he turned around and left me hanging there into nothingness. I could only watch him walk away from me, while my knees hit the ground. I was torn between hope and despair. Does it mean I still have a chance to make things right or does it means everything is over?

~Seonghwa~

I almost made a big mistake over there. Honestly, I was going to kiss him. He seemed so hurt. I wanted to be there for him so bad but I'm not the one who should comfort him right now. It's just not my place for the moment. Hearing him say that he was jealous made me happy honestly.
Oh my, what am I thinking? I shouldn't be glad about that. Why is my heart beating so fast over this? I stopped walking, I didn't know clearly where I was going. I stared at the floor, completely lost in my thoughts. Why did I let him all alone over there? I need to go back, I need to hug him again, I need to kiss him. I turned around and ran towards the place where I left Hongjoong a couple of minutes ago. When I arrived, I couldn't find him anymore. Where is he? Where did he go? I went around in circles, searching for the little man. I jumped into Wooyoung by accident.

"Did you see Hongjoong?" I shouted in his ears and grabbed him by shoulders. I was acting hysterically, like a mad man.

"Hi to you too and yes, I passed him 2 minutes ago." Wooyoung moved my hands and crossed his arms, a disapproving look on his face.

"Where? Where is he?" I pleaded.

"Calm down. I'm not telling you even you were begging me." He frowned.

"Why? I just need to see him. Please."

"No, you're not in your normal state. I'll not be the reason you fuck everything up for him and yourself." He curtly replied.
My mind was only focus on Hongjoong so I tried to bypass Wooyoung to go where he was coming from, hoping Hongjoong was still over there. Wooyoung held my wrist, so hard it hurt. "Get your shit together Seonghwa! What the hell is happening to you?!"

"I'm so sorry Wooyoung." Tears started to fall down. "I'm not drunk, I'm desperate! I didn't told you but I miss him so much. So fucking much! We had like a moment minutes ago and thinking about it, I lost my mind. I-I need him..." I felt completely defeated again.

"Alright, here." He gently wrapped his arms around me. "Do you want to go home?"

"No. No, I'm fine. I want to stay here. Let me stay here." I aggressively gripped him by the side of his arms. Still crying, I stared at him.

"Okay hyung, just don't do anything stupid. I'll stay with you." He was clearly worried for me.

"Thank you." I gave him a faint smile.

"You're lucky you find me first." Wooyoung patted my back and lead me inside the house where the party was.

~Hongjoong~

I felt hands lifting me up from the ground. "San! What are you doing?" I yelled. He cornered me against a wall. "I like you a lot but not this way..."

"Shut your mouth for a second. I'm just following Wooyoung instructions to protect both of you." He placed a finger on his mouth.

"What are you talking about? Protecting who from what? Move-" I pushed him to get him to let go of me but when I tried to leave, I immediately froze. Seonghwa was there with Wooyoung, walking away from me once again. Wait, if he's here...
That means he came back. He came back! I knew, I simply knew deep down he came back for me. "I really thought I'd lost you!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I saw Seonghwa turned around, his face was red and his tears were glowing on his cheeks. It tore my heart apart. It seemed like he couldn't find me through the crowd of people drinking and chatting. Wooyoung quickly moved in front of him, stopping him from searching me. At least, he heard me.

I looked back at San, eyes wide open. "Why did you do that? We could have-"

"You could have what? Made out at a party and after? You'll probably regret it and hurt him again. We're all upset seeing Seonghwa and you like this but that's not the right way to reconcile!" He was angry, so much so that he was actually scaring me.

"I won't." I couldn't meet his gaze anymore. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. I'm sorry, I'm too harsh on you." The look on his face changed for a more calm and sad one. "It's just harder to remain calm because you were the one who made that stupid "mistake", if I can say that. I mean you had every right to reject his proposition, it's just beyond understanding. You looked both so in love."

"Yeah... It must have a shock for you too, I know how close you are with Seonghwa. Wooyoung too."

"Wooyoung defends you a lot to the others guys actually. Even in front of Seonghwa. He just knows the two of you couldn't do anything without him." A large grin growing on his face. "My boyfriend is the best." He cutely giggled.

"You must be right. Let's go back inside now."

To be continued...

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