Why am I afraid? | Seongjoong

Chapter XVII : Baby steps

~Hongjoong~

It's about 4 p.m. in the afternoon when I came back from the studio. I forgot my earphones and one of my adapters in my room, I didn't want to bother Seonghwa so I just waited for the right moment. He's supposed to be at the library, I think.

After the party, I decided to give him space. I had the confirmation everything isn't over, I just have to be patient and understanding. In short, I avoided Seonghwa because I loose my mind every time I'm close to him. Truthfully, if I saw him I don't how I would react. Would I kiss him? Run away? Cry? Ignore him? Confess my love for him? Apologize?

~Seonghwa~

I was so tired after lunch, I laid down on my bed and without me knowing, I fell asleep. I woke up to the sound of the door, slowly opening. I kept my eyes closed. Why? I don't know, I just did it in the rush. I heard him approach me, I knew it was Hongjoong. He was so close to me I though he was going to kiss me but he just whispered. "Are you awake?" I could recognized his scent, his voice. I didn't move an inch hoping he'll not see the blush growing in my cheeks. Please, can you back away?!

He sat down next to me. What is he doing? Wasn't he supposed to grab his things or pick up clothes or anything but to stay with me. He began to quietly speak. "Seonghwa. Hi. Honestly, I really like you. I don't know why I'm saying that right now, you don't even hear me. You won't remember me revealing my feelings but I just need to."

I was literally screaming inside. You like me? What do I do with this information ? You already broke my heart, now what's gonna happen for us? What difference does it makes?

"My heart only wants you. I wish it never happened, if only I didn't messed up. I can't undo what I did and said.
I can't justify my actions, I got scared.
It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you. I know I'm not the one who gets to cry and that I hurt you. I don't know how to fix it but I want to try.
I'm so in love with you, I feel like I might stop breathing. Here, I said it. I love you, Hwa."

I could hear him trying to cover his tears. I was shocked but I couldn't hold back, I wanted to hug him so bad. When I opened my eyes, he was covering his face with his hands. I sat next to him, put my arms around him, my chest against his left shoulder, gently pressing my forehead on his temple. "It's gonna be okay. Don't cry."

"I miss you, Seonghwa." He whispered, still sobbing. "I miss you so much."

"I know, I miss you too. Just give me a little more time." I responded carefully. He slightly nodded, so adorable.

How can I resist him any longer?

"Seonghwa, when did you wake up? How much did you hear?" He asked, a bit uneasy.

"Oh, nothing. Not even the last words. I wake up when I heard you cry." I lied. He doesn't have to know that I listened to all of it. I'll keep his confession for me, a small secret just for me. I hope he's going to confess without thinking I'm completely unconscious. I pecked him on the cheekbone, still hugging the man. I didn't want to let go, I didn't want him to abandon me again. I know I need to keep my distances for now. I think I'm not ready yet to consider a romantic relationship with Hongjoong again. I'm trying to put myself first even if I do love him too.

I've never stopped loving him.

We'd laid down on my bed. I was still leaning on his left side. His face was turned towards me, we were almost nose-to-nose. His right hand holding my left hand resting on his chest. With my other hand, I interlocked my fingers with his. So calm and quiet.
Eyes closed, I moved a little to get closer to him. As I was falling asleep, I felt Hongjoong gently covering me with the blanket. It's seemed like he wasn't leaving my side just yet.

After I don't know how long, I slowly opened my eyes and instantly met his gaze. He gave me a genuine smile, I could feel my cheeks burning. "Hi, Seonghwa."

"Hi, Hongjoong." I returned his smile, softly rubbing the tip of my nose against his. He moved a bit and kissed me on the forehead. I wasn't ready to let him go, I wanted to enjoy this moment a little longer.
Unfortunately, someone suddenly knocked on the door. We looked at each other, a shocked look on both our faces. I loudly whispered to Hongjoong and pushed him out of my bed. "Go hide! Run!"
He nodded, still confused. Without turning the lights on, he quickly went into the bathroom and close the door.

"You can come in!" I swore I was sweating, one cold drop running down my back when I saw Wooyoung face.

"Can you come to the living room?" Wooyoung asked, poking his head into the room. "Yunho and Mingi want to announce something since we are all home.
Dad have to come too..." He rolled his eyes and pointed at the bathroom.

"What? Yes of course." I scratched the back of my neck, so embarrassed. "We're coming."
Why does it feels like I just got caught with a mistress or something like that?

"Great." He simply stated and closed the door.

I honestly have no idea what Wooyoung is thinking of this situation, I don't even know what I'm thinking right now. Hongjoong reappeared right after Wooyoung left.

"Well, that's a fail." He laughed.
I threw my pillow at him, ending up right in his face. He caught it before it fell on the ground and approached me. "Alright, I'll now stop talking."

He put back the pillow behind me, placed his tiny hands on my waist and smirked.
Oh my... I changed my mind, this man isn't cute at that precise moment. I hid my cheeks with my hands and tightly closed my eyes.

"What are you thinking?" He teased me. Instead of doing whatever I was thinking about him doing, he began to tickle me.

"Ah! No! Stop it!
Wait! I can't breath!
Hongjoong!
We Need To Go!" I was laughing so hard, rolling around, shaking my legs in the air. I was sure all the apartment could hear me.

Without stopping the tickling, he asked me. "What are we going to tell the others?"

"Joongie, please! Stop for one second!" I was still laughing, my stomach hurt.

"Answer me first."

"I don't know" I failed to take his hands away from me and calm myself. "Let's just say I'm not mad at you anymore."

He immediately stopped and stared at me, our faces were so close. "Wait really?"

"I mean yes, I'm not mad at you anymore." I repeated. "That doesn't mean I've forgiven you or that I'm not hurt anymore."

He stood up and held me a hand, a sincere smile forming on his lips. "I understand, we should go now. The kids are waiting."

~Hongjoong~

How do I feel? I'm torn between the happiest have ever been or feeling like crap.

To be continued...

Anyway, the concerts??? Cyberpunk choreography?? What was that for?? My Atiny sanity please... 🫠

(Edit : I'm so happy they're coming to my country and I'm going to see them 🥲)