Why am I afraid? | Seongjoong

Chapter XIX : I'll be there

~Hongjoong~

As soon as I woke up, I felt my cheeks burning. I was still lying down, my eyes wide open.
Is it real? Did we really...?
I moved a little bit to the side not to wake up Seonghwa. I got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower. When I came back, Seonghwa was awake looking at his phone. He quickly put it back on the nightstand. A towel around my waist, I walked to sit next to him. "Hello."

"Hi. Did you sleep well?" He asked with a small voice, looking at me. Only his eyes were visible, the rest of his face was hidden under the sheets. I could see a rosiness on the top of his ears.
How can someone be so adorable?

I took a shirt out of my closet and dressed up. "Yes. I mean you didn't really let me sleep last night but..."

"Oh my... Can I be invisible?" Seonghwa covered his head completely with the blanket. 

"Why are you hiding?" I heartily laughed. "You're so cute." I climbed up on the bed and leaned over him, I delicately pulled the sheets down to reveal his face. "Hi Seonghwa."

"Hi Hongjoong." He was looking at me with panicked but wanting eyes. I titled my head, getting closer to him and barely touched his lips with mine, skimming the surface of his soft skin. Sparkles in his eyes, he gently placed his hand on my cheek, slowly travelling to the back of my neck and kissed me. I felt his other hand ran through my hair. I pushed the blanket a little bit more down to reveal his upper body literally covered with small red-purplish bruises I've made.

"So pretty." I whispered, not thinking about anything else than kissing him again. I slowly began to peck his jawline then his neck.

"Hongjoong..."

"Hum?" I mumbled, focused on his upper chest.

"We don't have time for that right now." He began to kindly pushing me away.

"I'll always have time to kiss you." I tried to kiss him again but he put his hand on my mouth.

He lightly smiled. "Right... That's what I wanted to talk to you about. If you want my love back, you'll have to work for it, earn it." He said with a serious face, holding the sheets to cover his chest. "What happened does NOT mean I totally forgive you but nothing safe is worth the ride so I'm willing to try again. If you let me down again..."

"You will kill me." Moving closer to him, I kissed him on the forehand.

"I'm serious Hongjoong. You can't break my heart again." He looked at me in the eyes.

"I won't. You don't have to trust me just yet but I promise you I won't hurt you anymore." I softly moved his hair falling on his forehand away from his eyes and passed my hand on his cheek.

He gently grabbed my wrist and kissed me, this time on the lips, soft and delicate. "I believe you." He whispered, moving back, he stood up and slowly let go of my hand. "I have to dress up, you have a big day today."

"Wait, you're coming?"

"Of course I am." Seonghwa smiled and quickly walked to the bathroom before I could say anything more. I was happy, it felt good knowing we were finally going to spend time together, having him by my side.

---

It was finally the moment we had to present our work on stage after almost 2 month of rehearsal. With what went down with Seonghwa, the fact that he came to support the team, well specially me was undreamed. When I think of it, I confessed to him, kissed him, slept with him. He said he was ready to try again. Does it mean we are together? No, it seems to easy or hasty. I needed to ask him right away to calm down. Do I have time before the performance to go find him?

I was backstage with my group waiting for our turn, the pression was at its peak. We worked so hard for this moment, we couldn't help but to be nervous. Without thinking about anything else than my Seonghwa, I started walking towards the stairs to exit the backstage when Wooyoung stopped me, holding me by the shoulder.

"Where are you going? You're not going anywhere even if it's to save your failed marriage. By the way, you should've let us sleep last night. Now, we're all tired for the performance."

"What the?"

"We heard you last night." He exclaimed, almost yelling in my ears.

"No, you didn't..." Eyes wide opened, I tried to hide my embarrassment.

"I swear if I hear Seonghwa screaming your name again I'm jumping out the window."

"Fuck... Don't tell him, he might have a heart attack if he knew." Wooyoung began to laugh when I grabbed him by the shoulders, totally panicked.

"BOYS! It's your turn." Our dance teacher Momo shouted and ran towards us. We placed in circle around her. "Alright, you all worked super hard, you're more than ready. Go and kill the stage!"

The rest happened faster than a blink. The seven of us walked on the stage and placed yourself to be ready to start. The spotlights illuminated us and the music started to play making me forget about my worries. The adrenaline rushing through my veins, the feeling of being in stage was surreal, inexplicable and unmatched by any other.

... 

When the music stopped, Reality hit me. I quickly ran out off stage when the lights turned off, giving my mic and equipment to the staff before heading to the crowd. Where is he? Where is Seonghwa? I need to find him. Someone suddenly grabbed my wrist, I turned around and found myself face to face with Seonghwa. For a second, everything went blank around us. He held my hand and led me outside. "You were absolutely incredible over there." He joyfully said.

"Seonghwa, I wanted to ask you something." I stammered, trying to catch my breath.

"Yes, I want to be your boyfriend. Yes!" He placed one hand on the back of neck like he always do, and pressed his lips against mine.

"Wait, I didn't even ask you anything yet. You can't say yes just like that. It has to be romantic or I don't know..."

"I like it that way." He simply stated, sparkles in his eyes, ready to kiss me again.

"Not me." I held his shoulders to keep him away from me. I just thought about an idea to formally ask him out.

"Does it mean you don't accept my answer? We're not together?" He seemed sadden, looking at me with puppy eyes.

"Nope."

"But Hongjoong..."

I cut him off. "Tonight! Give me until tonight. You've said I needed to fight for your love but you're giving all of you way too easily. Let me do this for you."
He slowly nodded and hugged me tight.

To be continued...

I clearly failed to post the last chapters on the 30th (Edit : I meant the 30th of November 2022 not May 2024...) like I've announce... Finding a way to write an ending I like is more difficult than what I thought initially. (Edit : Yeah... Happy New Year 2023.)

Paradigm is a bop and I absolutely adore Guerrilla Flag Ver. (Edit : I still love them but Halazia! Halazia is incredible, I don't even have the words to describe how much I love this song.)