But this can't be.
I never thought of anyone the way I think of Hongjoong.
I love him sincerely with all my heart as a friend. This love is only friendship. Nothing more. Right?
~
Fluff - Soft Smut - Little Angst
College/University AU
Mainly Seong...
Don't you dare call me that I need you to stop now Read, 3:25 a.m.
Okay, I understand I'm sorry I promise I'm gonna stop Good night Seonghwa I'll stop now
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Fuck you, Hongjoong. Of course, I wanted to talk to him so badly but what was he expecting? That everything will be okay once he apologised? That I would be ready to even be friend with him again? I don't want to hear his apologies yet. I wanted to tell him how I felt, how much it hurts, how much I love him, how much I want him. Why can't we go back in time? I'll never ask him to be my boyfriend again. I'll shut up and keep him close. Just like that, travelled back in time, only for one day, when everything was perfect. Why am I lying to myself? I wanted a real relationship. I did what I needed to do. It's not my fault if he didn't know what he wanted. Right? Seonghwa, stop torturing yourself. I started to sob again. Great, crying myself to sleep. What a good way to avoid insomnia.
---
I was still feeling sick in my stomach. I needed to go work to the library, or anywhere else than in this room. Maybe working will make me forget about Hongjoong. He's constantly on my mind, his scent is allover my bed and my body, the memories... I kept the plushy he gave me, I can't get rid of it. Stop thinking about him. Let's just go out. I cleaned my desk and put my laptop and books in my bag. When I opened the door, Jongho was working on the living room table as usual. "Hey, I'm gonna go to the library." I simply stated, not really waiting for a response.
"Wait, let me come with you. I have to work too. I need to find a book in the library." Jongho said, quickly standing up and blocking me the door.
"You don't need to do that. I'm fine. Really." I replied irritated. He looked disapprovingly at me, crossing his arms and shaking his head. Why did it had to be Jongho? I can't win... "Fine, come."
He grinned at me and patted my shoulder. "Great decision hyung."
We both went to the University library. Once we arrived, I went straight to my usual seat and Jongho followed me. I paused for a second. Soobin was there, at his usual spot. He looked my way, gave me a small smile and respectfully pointed out my chair with his hand telling me to sit down. To resume the situation, I'm sad because the man I love rejected me so I chose to work at the library just to be in front of my ex for a couple of hours. Who has that kind of karma? Seriously. I put down my stuff, turned on my laptop. I can't do this. I looked at Jongho, sitting next to me.
"I need to go to the restroom." I stood up and walked as fast I could without being too suspicious. As soon as I entered the bathroom, I burst into tears. Everything reminded me of my heart breaking into pieces. I just wanted to be left alone right now. I can't pretend I'm fine, I'm not.
"Seonghwa? Are you there?" I heard Jongho's voice. "I'm worried about you. Can you please come out?" I wiped down my tears and opened the door. He ran towards me. "Are you okay? What's happening?"
"I'm so sorry. I just can't get him out of head." I fell in his arms. He hold me, letting me cry endlessly.
He rubbed my back and hugged me tighter. "That's okay. Let me take you home. Can I left you here for a second, I'm gonna go grab our things. Yes?" I nodded, a lump in my throat preventing me from speaking.
Back to the dorms, Jongho carefully led me to my room. "No. Please, he's everywhere in there." I pleaded.
He understood right away why i didn't want to go so he took me to his room instead. Immediately when we stepped in the bedroom, Wooyoung stoop up from his bed. He looked concerned but didn't say a word about it. Jongho helped me lay down on his own bed. "We're going to let you sleep now. Rest well." He signaled Wooyoung to follow him.
I stared at the ceiling for about an hour when I finally decided to stand up and actually do something. I can't stay like this, I feel like a complete wreck. I made the bed and quietly left the room. I was heading towards the living room when I heard Hongjoong voice. I know it too well, I can't be mistaken, he's there. Why do I keep hearing things I'm not supposed to?
"I don't think he wants to talk to you right now." Jongho aggressively stated, visibly angry.
"Can I at least try? Or can you ask him if he'd agree to?" Hongjoong asked earnestly, almost begging.
"No. Even if you have good intentions, you need to wait for him to be ready." Wooyoung resolutely responded but still with a touch of kindness and understanding in his voice.
"I-I didn't mean to be this insistent." Hongjoong stammered.
"We love you, you know that right? But you also know that we're only protecting him. We're truly sorry for the both of you. Please just give him time." Wooyoung calmly replied.
I ran back to Jongho's bedroom and sat on the floor. I didn't want nor needed to hear more. I didn't cry this time, I actually felt relieve. Thank you guys, I'll remember what you did for me. And for you, Hongjoong. Please, I'm begging you, listen to them. Just not too much.
-
HJ (Don't reply, be strong)>
I'll wait for you to be ready No matter what
I love you| I love y| I lo| |
-
Fuck.
To be continued...
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