What's left (残り物)

13. Embryo

I think back to my old life. The life before the great plague. Who was I before all of this. Where did it all start. Some program for super soldiers? I start with how far back I can remember.

"Well I was developed in a freeform vat that was used for artificial embryonic gestation which basically means it mimicked a human womb. I don't remember much of the first years of my life maybe because my brain hadn't fully developed yet. I remember when I realized I was different from other boys and girls, though. I was around 7 biologically when the military scientist that were raising me gave me different toys from the others. They would give me army men figurines and toy pistols, but later on they gave me a real combat knife. I held it still with both my hands like I was a knight. I had been in an enclosed environment with a lot of television programs going on and off. This was somewhat of my peek to the outside world. Occasionally the scientist would bring me out into the nearby town and show me around the place and what everything out there was. The scientist would bring me to events and show me around to people as they would pose as my parent. I was shy around new people though I would hide behind their lab coat and peek around it occasionally. I was nervous about what people were like. I didn't know what to say or do. It was fun though even if it was scary. The scientist that watched over me gave me cotton candy once after we finished the trip to the town. I had a test I would undergo every week to test my combat effectivity. My first test was with the knife. I had to show them my first lesson I learned in CQC. The target started as a regular wood block but then became a training dummy. One day the scientist brought me outside to the city and there was another adult with a hybrid child. She was a small white furred bunny with blue eyes who wore overalls. She asked if I wanted to play but I didn't know how to. She grabbed my hand and the scientist followed to make sure I didn't get out of their sight. She sat down and handed me a teacup. She asked her mother if we could have some tea and she poured some in my little teacup and gave the teapot to the bunny girl. I sat in silence looking down at my tea. The liquid swished back and forth in the cup and the bunny girl looked at me and asked "What's your favorite color!" I was very shy and I only occasionally looked up from my tea and back at her before I would answer "Uhhh...green." The bunny girl smiled at me and said "Green is so pretty! Green is the color of plants and frogs and watermelons! I like watermelons." I look back at her and my tail wags involuntarily "uh I never had a watermelon before. What are they like?" She looks surprised at me and answers "You've never had watermelon! But they're so amazing! They're so sweet and yummy. You should try them." I still glance up and down from the ground nervous about what to say. "Yeah...they sound really good." I say. Her parent calls for her saying it's time to go home but before she goes she rushes to me and hugs me around my neck. "You're very cool. I hope one day you'll get to do cool stuff and go on cool adventures." I smile and hug her back and she gives me a single genetically engineered blue daisy, and I stare at the daisy in my hands as she leaves. The scientist comes over and says to me "Made a new friend?" I look back at them and remain silent "I th-think so. She was very nice." A few years go by and they teach me new things with martial arts and guns. When I was 12 they allowed me more privileges and the scientist that was assigned me brought me out to town weekly then. They filled my enclosure with more things trading my toys for a simulation pod and adding a punching bag. I learned many things about the world outside from the troops nearby my little enclosure. I would ask more about the world and what certain foods tasted like. They would tell me about how cool freeform pods were and how there were simulation pods made just for going online and playing games with your friends. Even if I only had one friend it was nice to imagine what it would be like to play with them again. Just one more playdate. Just one more cup of tea. I haven't felt a hug in a long time Erika. That one hug felt so amazing. It was so comforting. It was like being told it's going to be okay and one day I wouldn't have to be part of that stupid fucking military asset program. It feels cold. I felt like nothing more than a machine for death. I didn't want to bring death I wanted to live life. I wanted so much. I wanted to love. I wanted to play. I wanted to...be free."

I stay there in silence as Erika continues to shine the glass with an ever continuos slight squeak against the shining glass. I feel like I want to throw up. What was the point in telling this entire story. What was the point of any of us. Why am I still living? I don't want to think about that. There's too much shit to handle. I need a breath of air. Erika speaks. "Y'know you're not the only one who hasn't got to experience all of life's great things. Boris here doesn't even remember what his life was past all this awful mess. The poor thing probably has amnesia or some horrible mess. He's not good with people but he certainly has learned more than probably any of us here have on how to live outside this metal beast. So all I ask you to do is give him a chance to get some common ground with you. I'm sure he's more than excited to learn about the old world."
That makes two of us