What's left (残り物)

12. Blindsight

My eye slowly creaks open and finds I'm still in Boris' thighs. My stomach feels like its empty and I'm incredibly hungry. My stomach growls. I slowly get up from Boris' lap and see the bartender is still awake. Boris is asleep lightly breathing in and out laying against the countertop. "How long was I asleep?" I ask. Erika responds "About 3 or so hours." I look around still hearing the bars music. "Do you have anything to eat?" Erika answers joyously "We sure do! We have a nice complimentary mealworm bar made from our nutrient compressors!" I cringe at the thought but I do remember how the old worlds supply of meat became scarce after the bad weather and infection. Even with how I ate the crickets earlier mealworms still seem unappetizing. "Anything else?" I ask. "Well we also grow some vegetables for soup and potatoes make a lot of foods." She says back. "So do you have fries or something?" I ask. Erika responds "I can fix some up for you sweety." "I would like that." I state. The taste of the sweet tea still resides on my tongue. It's nice but still makes me hungry. I hear the chirp of crickets outside. How is that even possible I'm incredibly far from any grass outside this iron city. "Erika do you hear those crickets?" She responds "Yep, they're real crickets all right. Some of the residents say it helps them sleep also they make pretty crunchy treats." I feel like I should gag at what she just said but instead I salivate. I can't deny the crickets had a nice crunchy nutty flavor like barbecue potato chips. The hunger grows intense and I don't care what it is as long as I get something to eat "Do you have anything already made?" I ask. "The mealworm bars are the quickest thing to make." She says. "Screw it, just give me that." I respond. She walks over to a large machine behind her and pulls a lever. Immediately it dispenses out a bar of what looks like rice treats with its white-brown bits. She lets the bar on a napkin and hands it to me. I grab the bar looking at it. The bar wasn't rice as it looked like upon close inspection. It was in fact mealworms. "If it makes it any better their not actually worms their grubs." Erika states. I close my eyes munch down on the bar too fast to even taste it. "I need another. I'm so hungry." She laughs "You've got the munchies. It usually happens after you smoke the leaf." "Well can I please have another bar?" I ask. "Look at you already liking the grub bars." She walks over to the machine and repeats the process. I handle the bar and examine it more. It's all a bunch of mealworms compressed together. Instead of immediately gobbling it down I nibble off the corner of the snack that looks like a crispy desert beige energy bar. It tastes salty and moistens my tongue as the sweet tea flavoring mixes in the moisture just a hint of the tea flavor remains. It's not bad. Maybe insect meat isn't all as bad I looked it out to be. I take another bite as the salty wet slimy contents fill my mouth. I actually like it. It's efficient, apparently easy to produce and it's filling. "Y'know those grubs are good for you! Crazy right? Ooo can I ask you a question?" Erika asks. "Sure." I respond. "You've seen the infected out there right?" She states. "Are they really as scary as everyone says they are? Do they really eat people like in those old zombie films?" She ask and I remember back to when the grenade went off and all the cries of death. I explain 

"They're pretty dangerous. They bite you and apparently anything that enters your mucous membrane spreads throughout your spinal cord and brain and then it completely changes you. You can prolong the incubation period I think but it's just stopping the inevitable. I heard from news the disease is apparently like a super-rabies that doesn't kill off it's host. It turns its host into some mindless vicious thing. A symptom is whenever you see your friends eyes going bloodshot red like they haven't slept in days. Then they start frothing at the mouth. It's pretty scary. I lost my entire troop to a horde of them. They just broke through our fence and then our commander blew himself up and got some shrapnel in me at the same time. My right eye isn't very useful as It use to be I'd say. Anyway, it's a virus so I wouldn't say antibiotics are going to help. When the infected broke through the fence... I ran. I ran and I didn't look back. I know it was wrong to do. I should have fought more. I could have maybe saved someone, any of them at all if I could but, they were all just... I don't know. I abandoned them and the blood is on my hands isn't it?"

My eye tears up and drips immediately. I can't help but cry tear after tear as my body feels like it's being ripped apart from how guilty I feel. I shake crying more silently. Erika tells me "You couldn't help them, sweety. You made the best choice you could. If you stayed you would have died. If you would have waited and tried saving any of them then you would have probably been infected. So the best choice was probably to run. Dieing is a fools choice. There's not anyone you can help if you're six feet under, so think of it as a mercy." I listen to the words and they hit me hard. They comfort me reassuring what pain wrenched in my guts. "Why don't you tell me more about yourself. It's important to get to know new people who enter this place." She says.

"Where do I start?" I ask