Broken Heart Syndrome

Chapter 21

Chapter 21
Break

I was distracted—the reason why I'm sure I fucked up my interview.

Gulf continued to comfort me by saying that it probably went well, and my mind was just clouded by nervousness that's why I am thinking of the worst. But no. He wasn't there. I know I fucked up. With the way I stuttered and failed to answer some of their questions, I was sure as hell that I wouldn't pass.

"Yeah, you're probably right. I shouldn't assume unless it's proven, right?" I said to convince myself even more. "I'm okay, don't worry."

I wasn't sure if I could still convince myself about being okay though, especially when the weekend came, and I didn't receive any email about starting my internship on Monday.

"Have you checked your spam? It must have got lost in there," Gulf said worriedly, snatching my laptop away from me so he could check it himself.

Little did he know, I already checked everything before I even told him that I did not receive an email from the hospital. He already received his acceptance email for his internship and he starts on Monday, as planned. I haven't received anything so right now, I am shit panicking deep inside.

"T-There must have been some kind of mix-up," Gulf laughed nervously after checking and finding out nothing. "Or maybe it got delayed? You can follow it up!"

My hands trembled as I stared into my laptop. It's impossible it got delayed. Tomorrow is already Monday and Gulf received his yesterday... so...

"I-I'll follow up," I nodded, mustering up all the confidence I need to type a polite email to the hospital I applied to.

I am nervous as hell. I have a feeling but I didn't want to acknowledge it yet. I didn't want to accept it yet because I still have time to confirm. Unless they tell me that I was not accepted, then that's when I'll think about it. But since then, I won't. I'll remain positive, even though it gets more and more difficult to do so as each minute passes by and I hear nothing from them.

Because my fingers were shaking so much, I had so many typographical errors that Gulf had to step in and compose the email for me. I thanked him quietly as I watched him send the email to the recruiting team of the hospital.

It's already Sunday, but it is still early in the morning. I have time to wait. Maybe... maybe... just like what Gulf said... the email got delayed, and my life will still go according to how I planned it. I will still go to where I planned my clinical practicum would be. I will gain experience there. I don't have any backup plan for any of the bullets in my plan so this has to work out. It has to.

Because if it doesn't then, my whole life plan will be ruined. My dreams... will be ruined. I guess I could always try out at other hospitals but it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't make me happy. It wouldn't be my dream.

But I guess no matter how much we work hard for things to go according to how we plan them, sometimes... it just doesn't. Sometimes, life is a bitch and it fucks with you.

My lips parted and all my blood left me as I stared at the rejection email I had received a few minutes ago.

I... really didn't get accepted.

"Win-"

I didn't let Gulf finish and quickly ran into my room. I felt him following behind me but I didn't give him the chance to enter my room. I immediately locked my door as soon as I was inside.

The books I reviewed just for this internship sat on my desk, mocking me for failing one of the things I have been preparing for years. Failing to get accepted was something I never expected. I knew I was smart, and ever since, I have never failed any quizzes or tests. Studying is hard but it was one of the things I'm good at.