Circles - Post Malone

Fifty Six

"Dahlia."

Dahlia's goes ridged. She should have known he would follow her. Stalk her. Stick his nose into her business. She sighs and turns around slowly. Fuck. She comes face to face with Austin, Gina, Harry, and the twins.

"I snuck out on purpose. There was a reason I didn't tell any of you. I want to do this on my own," she says. Thankful when she hears the train arriving behind her. But then her stomach drops when everyone ignores her and walks past her onto the train. "No, no, no, none of you are coming. I am doing this on my own," she says stomping her foot on the platform. "Come on, trains leaving," Austin says standing in the train doorway. Dahlia sighs and climbs on.

"This is bullshit," she complains. Austin chuckles but Gina takes her hand and squeezes it. "This is not bull...poop. This is friendship. We would never let you do this on your own," she says. "Thank you but I want to do this on my own," she says. "Well that's not happening," Austin interjects, "Gina and I are going in with you. The rest will wait outside," Austin explains. Dahlia should protest and demand that they all go home but the truth is that she had just been sick in the subway bathroom and her hands won't stop shaking. She is glad they are here although she will never admit it. She leans on a pole and bats Austin's hand away when he tries to pull her onto the chair next to him. When the train comes to a stop she climbs off without waiting for any of them and practically speed walks out of the subway and towards the prison. Her group of goons all followed at some distance behind her.

Her walk slows as the prison comes into view, it's not because she is tired. Fucking nerves. She stops and waits for Austin to catch up to her.
"Ok?" Austin asks. "I don't know," she answers. He puts out his elbow for her to take, which she does. "You are ok," he says. She lets him lead her to the prison gates and she feels numb as she lets Gina and Austin work out the procedures and details with the prison guards. Before she knows it she is sitting at a round metal table with Gina and Austin on either side of her - an empty seat opposite her that will soon be filled by her father. She can hear the slamming of big metal doors and the echoed calls from prisoners in the ethos of the prison. Her chest feels like it's closing and she has to gulp for air.

"I can't do this," she whispers, grabbing at Austin. He does not hesitate and starts pulling her up, "let's go," he mumbles. But Gina grabs her arm and pulls her back onto her chair. "Sit down Austin. I know your first instinct is to protect her. But she needs this," Gina says then she turns Dahlia to face her. "After Bobby beat the poop out of me and then was standing out the front of your trailer telling me how much he loved me, how sorry he was, how he would never lay a finger on me again. What did I say to you? Tell me. What did I say?" Gina asks. "You said you can't just stop loving him. That maybe this time he meant what he said. You wanted to go back to him," Dahlia recants what Gina has said to her so long ago. "Yes, I did. I was busy packing my bags to go back to him. What did you say to me? Can you remember?" Gina asks.

Dahlia nods, she remembers. "I told you that you were bigger than him and better than any of the words he uses. That you get to decide how your life plays out, not him," Dahlia explained. "Yes. Now I am telling you the same thing. You are bigger than this. Bigger than any words that come out of your father's mouth. You get to decide what comes after this. You control this situation even when you are scared, ok?"

Dahlia wraps her arms around Gina and hugs her tightly. Gina does not hesitate to hug her back just as tightly. "I love you so much, Dahlia. I will be by your side through anything. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that would rip us apart," she whispers into Dahlia's ear. Guilt settles at the pit of her stomach. If Gina knew what her and Austin are doing she might be singing a different tune. She lets go and fixes her hair and face then side-eyes Austin.

He is watching her with a worried face. She knows if she asks he will take her away but Gina is right. She needs this. She needs to get this done so she can stop dragging this around with her. "Thank you," she whispers to him and takes his hand, it's hot and sweaty, and his rings feel big and bulky in her own. She knows he is trying to control his annoyance at being here. He has made it very clear that she should not give her father the time of day. But he is here, he could have told her that she is stupid, but he has not - he is choosing to rather sit by her side.
He winks at her and squeezes her hand back.

Then she hears a metal lock clank loudly and her head snaps in the direction of the sound. She can see a large metal door open down a long passage then her father appears. He used to have jet-black hair and a nasty curl to his lip that made his snarl low and dark. She had remembered him being at least 7 feet tall as he would leer over her mother and her. His dangerous fisted hands attached to huge arms that she had been convinced were made out of steel. He had always been drunk so his eyes had been callous and cold, never quite focused on anything but a bottle of liquor.

But this was not that man. His hair is grey and his lips sunken in a sad frown. He is far from 7 foot - he could be no more than 5 ft 4, his arms wrinkled toothpicks and his tiny hands with slim fingers folded neatly in front of him as he walks closer to her. He is nothing more than a tiny washed out man. Dahlia releases suddenly that he had never been anything other than this. Only, in her mind had she built him up to be a scary giant. She is not that little girl in the trailer anymore and he is not the monster she made him up to be in her head. She is not scared of him.

"Hello, Dahlia."

His voice is like nails on a chalkboard and his eyes are still callous and cold.