No Better Version of Me Than When I'm With You

Chapter 12

It was a long night of tossing and turning, going over and over his conversation with Nick and overanalyzing every interaction he'd had with Tommy lately. If anything, it only made him feel worse. He was the bad guy in the whole mess. Nick broke up with him because he couldn't keep it together enough, and even things between him and Thomas felt somewhat different lately in a way he didn't want to acknowledge. Despite what Nick had said. And what Minho had said. And Sonya. Or maybe because of what they'd all said. He was nothing if not stubborn. It was all his fault they were having these problems to begin with.

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"Nick broke up with me." Newt said the next morning after silence so thick he could cut it with a knife. After a restless night, he woke upset as ever and ready to fight. It just so happened that his best friend was the one standing in front of him when he came out of the bedroom.

"He did?" Thomas sounded shocked and confused, like he didn't believe him.

He bristled, expression contorting into a glare. "He did it because of you."

"What? Why me?"

"Because he thinks we're in love! I knew getting married to you was a bad idea. I knew how much bloody havoc this would wreak on our lives. Yet I did it anyway. And why? Do you want to know why, Thomas?"

Thomas seemed stunned into silence at his outburst, cereal spoon frozen halfway to his mouth. His expression flashed hurt, then went angry. Good, let him be angry. Let him get as mad at him as he was.

"Because I thought this could work. I really did, but all it's done is make a fucking dumpster fire of our love lives. You couldn't be with George for more than a few weeks, apparently Nick couldn't handle us like – this" – He gestured angrily between the two of them – "So he broke it off."

"How is this my fault, exactly?" Thomas dropped the spoon back into the bowl with a clatter, standing abruptly. "You asked me at the very beginning to give you an idea of how to live here more permanently. I came up with one, and it worked. You got your green card, I'm getting more income than before, and we have a fucking house! This isn't something you can just back out of because you don't like it anymore."

"That's not what-" Newt groaned, shoving his hand through his hair roughly. "I really liked Nick, and he really liked me too, but all because of this asinine plan of yours that we get married, he decided it was too much! He decided that between you and I, I was too much work because apparently we're a package deal."

"I still don't know how that's my fault! It's not like I was the one dating him." Thomas retorted, shoving off the counter and moving as if he was going to walk away.

"Don't walk away, we're talking about this." Newt snarled, and he was moving before he realized what he was doing; pinning Tommy back to the counter and bracing his hands on either side of him.

"Oh, talking?" He scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Is that what we're doing? Because I thought you were just yelling at me for something we both agreed to. For better or for worse, remember?" When Newt didn't immediately reply, Thomas barreled on. "Here's what I want to know, Newt. Do you think Nick was right in any of it? Do you think that I'm in love with you? Are you in love with me?" He said it so accusingly, anger flashing in his eyes, pupils wide as he stared him down. His chest was heaving, and every time he took a breath in, they met in the middle.

As Newt stared back, he found he had no answer to the questions Tommy was asking him despite the way he'd gone over it in his head all night. Did he believe Nick was right? Was he in love with the man staring angrily back at him? When he thought about it, Thomas was the one he turned to when anything happened, whether good or bad. He was the one he wanted to tell news to first. He was the one who he could go to when depressed and he would actually help. He was the only one who could, honestly. Thomas was the one he thought of standing next to him when the rest of his life stretched before him. Anywhere Tommy went, Newt would follow. All his thoughts overlapped and when Thomas jutted out his chin, clearly waiting for an answer, the only words that came out of his mouth were, "I don't know."